A bit longer hospital stay for mom. The docs have a couple of milestones they're looking for: 1) normal temperature for 24 hours (mom's has been fluctuating between normal and slightly elevated) and 2) break the nausea cycle and get her intake up.
All other indications look good. Big E and I stayed overnight again. Mom was moved to a true isolation room which meant that we all have to wear the Michael Jackson mask. We relieved Brother B and sister-in-law N late last night. Sis C relieved us around noon today. We all feel better keeping mom covered. It also helps to have other ears when docs pay a rare visit.
At this point, absent any unusual findings, mom is going to have to steel herself to overcome her gag reflex. She now has a good idea of what an anorexic teenager feels like. We found out today that we can order different foods so I'm hoping that her go-to food, poi, will do the trick. Maybe between mom, the nutritionist and Sis C, they'll be able to come up with something that will make the medicine go down. I don't think a spoonful of sugar will do it.
As loopy as a system full of chemicals and no food would make anyone, mom's essential mom-ness still shines through. When internist Dr. G showed up late morning and tried to peer at mom's close-eyed face under the floppy chemo hat she's been wearing--mom reached up with one hand, pulled up the hat, opened her eyes wide, as if to say, "Yeah, I hear you" then promptly pulled the hat back down over her face.
Big E later said mom looked like a dutiful yet peevish turtle, popping her head out to acknowledge Dr. G's presence, then retreating back into her shell when the obligation was fulfilled.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
lessons learned - longish post
We learned some important things today.
1. When in pain, take stronger drugs.
2. Have more than a rectal thermometer at home.
3. On a regular basis, ask a chemo patient to give you a pain benchmark.
Mom spent Sunday evening at the hospital. The good news is that the severe abdominal pain that caused us to take her to the ER last night is not unusual for a chemo patient her age in the treatment stage she is in. The bad news is that we might have been able to help her arrest the pain earlier if we had been more proactive with her meds.
She mentioned Sunday morning that she had woken up in the wee hours with pain, but it subsided enough for her to eat a pretty big brunch so Big E and I left to run errands in town and work out. By the time we arrived home in the early evening, mom was clearly in a whole lot of pain so we called cousin R and the advice nurse and took her in to the ER.
Of course, once you're in the process, you're a guinea pig. Mom got tested for everything under the sun and TKO drew enough blood to feed an army of vampires. She got some good pain medication but she could never fall into a restful sleep because someone new kept waking her up to do something, usually invasive.
She ended up having to answer the same questions 4 times, including when she was admitted into the hospital wing, where the nurses insisted on weighing her at 2:30 in the morning. Why can't all of that checkbox stuff go into a computer, once, at intake? Really stupid and inefficient. Sorry cousin R.
Another lesson learned -- don't get admitted into a hospital if you value the healing powers of sleep. They do not let you sleep for more than 3 hours at a time. They constantly wake you to palp you, ask your name and birthdate, take your blood pressure, take your temperature, deliver "food," talk to you in a weird voice as if you're a slightly less intelligent version of yourself. Maybe you are...because of SLEEP DEPRIVATION. Not to mention all the drugs.
Big E and I stayed with mom throughout the night in her "isolation" room and would have frozen to death if we hadn't pushed ourselves to stay awake. Yet another lesson learned, cold is the enemy of germs, and also family members who are staying with patients. Even the nurse said it was like a refrigerator.
Big E and I were like 2 unfortunates caught in a snow storm, stuggling to stay awake so we would not succumb to the deathly cold of mom's room. Fortunately she was wrapped in blankets. We should have crowded onto her bed to keep warm. Later, Big E remarked that the sub-zero temperature left her feeling very well-preserved and I must say she looked fresh on 1 hour of sleep. I do not recommend trying this at home.
For now, all is well. For we also learned that all the tests and scans are good. In fact, the abdominal lymph nodes are actually a bit smaller than before chemo. The internist who saw mom this morning said the pain could be from the chemo fighting it out with the cheneys. Go toxic chemicals!
Next time, we will remember that mom has stronger meds if her pain worsens and we'll try that first. She still would have been admitted because of the slight fever, but maybe she could have been spared much of the pain.
1. When in pain, take stronger drugs.
2. Have more than a rectal thermometer at home.
3. On a regular basis, ask a chemo patient to give you a pain benchmark.
Mom spent Sunday evening at the hospital. The good news is that the severe abdominal pain that caused us to take her to the ER last night is not unusual for a chemo patient her age in the treatment stage she is in. The bad news is that we might have been able to help her arrest the pain earlier if we had been more proactive with her meds.
She mentioned Sunday morning that she had woken up in the wee hours with pain, but it subsided enough for her to eat a pretty big brunch so Big E and I left to run errands in town and work out. By the time we arrived home in the early evening, mom was clearly in a whole lot of pain so we called cousin R and the advice nurse and took her in to the ER.
Of course, once you're in the process, you're a guinea pig. Mom got tested for everything under the sun and TKO drew enough blood to feed an army of vampires. She got some good pain medication but she could never fall into a restful sleep because someone new kept waking her up to do something, usually invasive.
She ended up having to answer the same questions 4 times, including when she was admitted into the hospital wing, where the nurses insisted on weighing her at 2:30 in the morning. Why can't all of that checkbox stuff go into a computer, once, at intake? Really stupid and inefficient. Sorry cousin R.
Another lesson learned -- don't get admitted into a hospital if you value the healing powers of sleep. They do not let you sleep for more than 3 hours at a time. They constantly wake you to palp you, ask your name and birthdate, take your blood pressure, take your temperature, deliver "food," talk to you in a weird voice as if you're a slightly less intelligent version of yourself. Maybe you are...because of SLEEP DEPRIVATION. Not to mention all the drugs.
Big E and I stayed with mom throughout the night in her "isolation" room and would have frozen to death if we hadn't pushed ourselves to stay awake. Yet another lesson learned, cold is the enemy of germs, and also family members who are staying with patients. Even the nurse said it was like a refrigerator.
Big E and I were like 2 unfortunates caught in a snow storm, stuggling to stay awake so we would not succumb to the deathly cold of mom's room. Fortunately she was wrapped in blankets. We should have crowded onto her bed to keep warm. Later, Big E remarked that the sub-zero temperature left her feeling very well-preserved and I must say she looked fresh on 1 hour of sleep. I do not recommend trying this at home.
For now, all is well. For we also learned that all the tests and scans are good. In fact, the abdominal lymph nodes are actually a bit smaller than before chemo. The internist who saw mom this morning said the pain could be from the chemo fighting it out with the cheneys. Go toxic chemicals!
Next time, we will remember that mom has stronger meds if her pain worsens and we'll try that first. She still would have been admitted because of the slight fever, but maybe she could have been spared much of the pain.
Mom will stay in her freezer for another couple of days while TKO monitors her temperature and makes sure they squelch any incipient infections. I would dearly like to get her back to her sick room. More bugs, but less germs.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
gridlock
Just shy of 24 hours later, the power comes back to the windward side. No one can recall the last time the power was out this long.
Mom went to bed last night calling Hawaiian Electric Company (HECO) a bunch of liars. We had been listening to a battery-powered radio for news until we realized we would not have power until today.
It's hard to believe one lightning strike could shut down the entire electrical grid on O'ahu. According to mom, the last time there was a long outage on O'ahu after the 2006 Big Island earthquake there was controversy about HECO's handling or, bungling of the outage. A $64,000 report later blamed the island-wide outage on 2 cheap radio shack switches. Let's see how they absolve themselves this time.
We woke this morning to more lightning over the Ko'olau mountains, then, weirdly, the sun rose while the lightning was still flashing. Less weirdly and more happily, Mom awoke feeling much better today.
Sis C, family and Brother B's oldest twins arrived late in the morning and dad put the kids to work filling little bags with ice he bought in town. The intent was to keep the refrigerators cold.
Of course, finishing this project meant that the power would finally be restored. Mom was happy to eat some hot food while Big E and I taught a mini-clinic on blocking.
Niece A was the most natural jumper and moved along the imaginary net well. Little E was the fiercest blocker, matching her brother in the jump offs, Niece D was the quickest to get into position, and The Nephew, while getting the concept of pushing in a block-off, will need to forget he ever heard the term "swing block."
As Auntie Big E said, "That's for blockers who are out of position."
Remember kids -- 100 squat jumps a day, keeps the bossy Aunties at bay.
Mom went to bed last night calling Hawaiian Electric Company (HECO) a bunch of liars. We had been listening to a battery-powered radio for news until we realized we would not have power until today.
It's hard to believe one lightning strike could shut down the entire electrical grid on O'ahu. According to mom, the last time there was a long outage on O'ahu after the 2006 Big Island earthquake there was controversy about HECO's handling or, bungling of the outage. A $64,000 report later blamed the island-wide outage on 2 cheap radio shack switches. Let's see how they absolve themselves this time.
We woke this morning to more lightning over the Ko'olau mountains, then, weirdly, the sun rose while the lightning was still flashing. Less weirdly and more happily, Mom awoke feeling much better today.
Sis C, family and Brother B's oldest twins arrived late in the morning and dad put the kids to work filling little bags with ice he bought in town. The intent was to keep the refrigerators cold.
Of course, finishing this project meant that the power would finally be restored. Mom was happy to eat some hot food while Big E and I taught a mini-clinic on blocking.
Niece A was the most natural jumper and moved along the imaginary net well. Little E was the fiercest blocker, matching her brother in the jump offs, Niece D was the quickest to get into position, and The Nephew, while getting the concept of pushing in a block-off, will need to forget he ever heard the term "swing block."
As Auntie Big E said, "That's for blockers who are out of position."
Remember kids -- 100 squat jumps a day, keeps the bossy Aunties at bay.
friday night lights...out
We had so much fun watching the lightning show last week that we decided to go for the gusto again this weekend. This time, we sat in the dark and watched lightning over the Ko'olau range AND over the ocean.
About 6:45pm I went out to connect the run-off tubes in anticipation of more thunderstorms. All the power went out. Once again, I had to eat humble pie and thank Sister A for the headlamps. For the 3rd time in the 3 weeks I've been here - no power.
I wish I could report that sitting in the dark with no distractions makes for more family closeness, but dad acted like a robot whose off switch was flicked, he went down for the count. Mom, Big E and I each read by the light of our individual flashlights. I tried to prepare food for mom that didn't need cooking or heating but protein drink saved the day.
I think Big E has slept more in the past 3 days than she has the last 3 weeks since I've been away. Darkness and lack of power will do that to you.
Ecotourism in its purest form.
About 6:45pm I went out to connect the run-off tubes in anticipation of more thunderstorms. All the power went out. Once again, I had to eat humble pie and thank Sister A for the headlamps. For the 3rd time in the 3 weeks I've been here - no power.
I wish I could report that sitting in the dark with no distractions makes for more family closeness, but dad acted like a robot whose off switch was flicked, he went down for the count. Mom, Big E and I each read by the light of our individual flashlights. I tried to prepare food for mom that didn't need cooking or heating but protein drink saved the day.
I think Big E has slept more in the past 3 days than she has the last 3 weeks since I've been away. Darkness and lack of power will do that to you.
Ecotourism in its purest form.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
in sickness...
...no, not mom, Sweetheart Big E. She arrived yesterday clearly ill, but gamely telling me how much she's been wanting to come over and take care of me. She and mom have both slept through the dinner hour, the opening of presents, and the departure of all the fam, except The Nephew. They seem to be on the same sleep schedule today.
Yesterday before we headed back to Hau'ula she asked me to take her to a chinese herbalist. I could hear the alarm in his voice as he got her history. She later told me that he was taking her blood pressure and couldn't believe the reading he was getting so he made her change her arm position 3x and then gave up.
She left happily with a paper bag full of stuff you rake up in a forest and we moved the stove back into the house so she could cook up the stinky stuff. Blech. Big E claims that if the herbs smell good to you, you must need them. Well, she couldn't get enough of the aroma.
Getting mom to an herbalist acupuncturist is on the to-do list, but we've been introducing new things slowly to make sure she has an understanding of how her body is performing at each stage. There is a cancer support program in Bolinas, CA that utilizes chinese medicine to strengthen and support the body during chemo. I'm trying to get a recommendation for a local practitioner.
Meanwhile, the two sickies rest and recuperate in the best sick room in the world.
Yesterday before we headed back to Hau'ula she asked me to take her to a chinese herbalist. I could hear the alarm in his voice as he got her history. She later told me that he was taking her blood pressure and couldn't believe the reading he was getting so he made her change her arm position 3x and then gave up.
She left happily with a paper bag full of stuff you rake up in a forest and we moved the stove back into the house so she could cook up the stinky stuff. Blech. Big E claims that if the herbs smell good to you, you must need them. Well, she couldn't get enough of the aroma.
Getting mom to an herbalist acupuncturist is on the to-do list, but we've been introducing new things slowly to make sure she has an understanding of how her body is performing at each stage. There is a cancer support program in Bolinas, CA that utilizes chinese medicine to strengthen and support the body during chemo. I'm trying to get a recommendation for a local practitioner.
Meanwhile, the two sickies rest and recuperate in the best sick room in the world.
floored
BYOZ (Bring your own zabuton)
Keeping both feet on the ground.(New floor Hau'ula, Photo Credit: ©G. Chung)
mele kalikimaka
Merry Christmas to all.
Mom is still zapped, but gamefully intaking. Hopefully, this time will follow the last round's pattern and it will be uphill starting this weekend.
She is very happy to be in her upstairs room recovering. The sun is out and the skies are blue. Doesn't take too much to make her happy. She said she doesn't even need the sun, blue skies will suffice.
We will not be putting our downstairs back together until tomorrow, but the floor looks great. Mom is pleased with the color she picked out to match her kitchen and she's enjoying the texture.
The rest of the family will be out here later to relax and enjoy the day. We send our best wishes to our family and friends and hope they are doing the same.
Mom is still zapped, but gamefully intaking. Hopefully, this time will follow the last round's pattern and it will be uphill starting this weekend.
She is very happy to be in her upstairs room recovering. The sun is out and the skies are blue. Doesn't take too much to make her happy. She said she doesn't even need the sun, blue skies will suffice.
We will not be putting our downstairs back together until tomorrow, but the floor looks great. Mom is pleased with the color she picked out to match her kitchen and she's enjoying the texture.
The rest of the family will be out here later to relax and enjoy the day. We send our best wishes to our family and friends and hope they are doing the same.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
mom, interrupted
I'm glad I took this week off.
Mom is pretty chipper today but feeling the not-so-good effects of Monday's chemo. For her, the "nausea" side effect manifests as a complete lack of interest in chewing and swallowing. Eating as chore is a concern because she doesn't have the glutton gene that could allay the lack of appetite. Those of us that habitually overeat may not find this symptom to be as onerous. We also have more body fat to sustain us.
So, she's sapped today, just as she was at this point last round, however, most happily for her, she's got her digestive system regulated. There have been times in the past month that I've shuddered with horror at the thought of what life would have been like with an irregular mom. Could the legendary equanimity that is intrinsic to mom's personality have been hanging on a fragile thread of reliable body functions?
Huh. And to think I attributed this admirable quality to her Capricorn nature.
More fiber, please.
Mom is pretty chipper today but feeling the not-so-good effects of Monday's chemo. For her, the "nausea" side effect manifests as a complete lack of interest in chewing and swallowing. Eating as chore is a concern because she doesn't have the glutton gene that could allay the lack of appetite. Those of us that habitually overeat may not find this symptom to be as onerous. We also have more body fat to sustain us.
So, she's sapped today, just as she was at this point last round, however, most happily for her, she's got her digestive system regulated. There have been times in the past month that I've shuddered with horror at the thought of what life would have been like with an irregular mom. Could the legendary equanimity that is intrinsic to mom's personality have been hanging on a fragile thread of reliable body functions?
Huh. And to think I attributed this admirable quality to her Capricorn nature.
More fiber, please.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
this is your mom on chemo
I'm making a trial run of oxtails and black-eyed peas while mom takes a nap. She's been on a tear since about 7:30, sorting through obvious junk at tutu's place while taking munch and drink breaks.
She said she was like this the day after the 1st round of chemo then got knocked flat, so she's trying to be disciplined about the routine she's got going to see if it mitigates the energy-sapping effects of the chemicals.
Later, we'll walk to the video store (shouldn't we call them dvd stores or media stores, now?) and see if we can pick up some heartwarming holiday movies like, Kung Fu Panda or the Incredibles, you know, just in case the kids want to watch.
Last night Sis C, The Nephew and Little E stopped by on the usual whirlwind tour. Mom had the kids sniffing pillows, yuck, and throwing out dusty fake flower arrangements and assorted gee-gaws. We didn't find any cash or jewels, but the kids were motivated to look thoroughly.
Auntie I calls and stops by with swordtails for mom's fish-breeding project. They are comparing chemo treatments and fish pairings.
I'm headed to pick The Nephew up from volleyball practice. Maybe I'll take him to work out with me. Hee-hee.
She said she was like this the day after the 1st round of chemo then got knocked flat, so she's trying to be disciplined about the routine she's got going to see if it mitigates the energy-sapping effects of the chemicals.
Later, we'll walk to the video store (shouldn't we call them dvd stores or media stores, now?) and see if we can pick up some heartwarming holiday movies like, Kung Fu Panda or the Incredibles, you know, just in case the kids want to watch.
Last night Sis C, The Nephew and Little E stopped by on the usual whirlwind tour. Mom had the kids sniffing pillows, yuck, and throwing out dusty fake flower arrangements and assorted gee-gaws. We didn't find any cash or jewels, but the kids were motivated to look thoroughly.
Auntie I calls and stops by with swordtails for mom's fish-breeding project. They are comparing chemo treatments and fish pairings.
I'm headed to pick The Nephew up from volleyball practice. Maybe I'll take him to work out with me. Hee-hee.
dad, punch-drunk but still standing
Here's an understatement...Dad is a bit overwhelmed these days. The combination of; mom's illness, the flood (flashback 1988), the new floor project, dealing with his mother dearest, and hey, to be fair, the guy just turned 75 -- has him staggering a bit in the ring and throwing punches as if he was co-starring in Rocky 20, The Senescent Round.
Sunday night he asked me if we should forgo doing the outside cement pour to seal the garage wall. He was clearly agitated. I made the mistake of thinking he was in his right mind and started to get my hackles up until I realized that he's plumb loco right now. I explained again why it made sense to take care of the outside while we were already inconvenienced because of the inside floor and left it at that.
Dad on overload leads to conversations like the one I woke up to today. Mom's voice getting progressively louder and more vehement as she repeated the same thing (with words in different order) into the phone--"The laundry room has a separate door."
I think she was trying to get him to rearrange items in there so we could get to the microwave over the next couple of days, but simple concepts become Rubiks during an emotional deluge. Fortunately, he's a resilient guy and usually bounces right back.
He will never throw in the towel, but I sincerely hope he's capable of learning how to deal more productively with stress or we may have to get the 2for1 special at tutu's new residence.
Sunday night he asked me if we should forgo doing the outside cement pour to seal the garage wall. He was clearly agitated. I made the mistake of thinking he was in his right mind and started to get my hackles up until I realized that he's plumb loco right now. I explained again why it made sense to take care of the outside while we were already inconvenienced because of the inside floor and left it at that.
Dad on overload leads to conversations like the one I woke up to today. Mom's voice getting progressively louder and more vehement as she repeated the same thing (with words in different order) into the phone--"The laundry room has a separate door."
I think she was trying to get him to rearrange items in there so we could get to the microwave over the next couple of days, but simple concepts become Rubiks during an emotional deluge. Fortunately, he's a resilient guy and usually bounces right back.
He will never throw in the towel, but I sincerely hope he's capable of learning how to deal more productively with stress or we may have to get the 2for1 special at tutu's new residence.
Point Defiance: Person, Place or Hard Rock Band?
Answer? All of the above.
Sister A has taken to calling mom "Point Defiance" after a road trip down the Oregon coast we took in July. We met in Tacoma and had a day before hitting the road and Sister A asked what we would like to do. As she ran through a list of places to visit, she mentioned Point Defiance, a Tacoma park with trails, zoo and aquarium. Mom said she wanted to go there and when Sister A asked why, mom said "Because it has the word 'defiance' ." So predictable.
Off we went. The aquarium and zoo were closed for the Zoobilee, but we walked a bit and saw bald eagles up close. Added to the beautiful views of Puget Sound, it was the perfect day trip with our rebellious mother.
I invoke a sincere appeal to the powers-that-be that mom's tenacity and refusal to be one with the sheeple afford her strength and comfort in the days ahead.
She certainly sat patiently through a 12-hour stay at TKO, beginning with a 6am start time for the port surgery, then endured (what has become the norm) another delay in the chemo treatment room while the advice nurse looked for Dr. C's order, and M, Dr. C's assistant smiled while being unhelpful.
Y'know, if it were a f***-off smile I could almost understand it, but it's more of a "I know, isn't it awful" smile while not taking any responsibility and not offering to correct the error. When I said I thought that Dr. C had green-lighted mom's chemo Friday after the meeting, M smiled and said winningly, "So did I." Ta-da. Yup, that was it. Did not lift a finger to follow up.
Later, mom and I discussed how hard it is to tell the competent folk from incompetent ones in Hawai'i because most people share the same laid-back demeanor which can look incompetent at first....until you run into the M's of the world. We also witnessed a loud-ish exchange right in the treatment room which seemed to be about port surgery scheduling and not being given the right timing of the sequence of the chemo process. Wow, deja vu all over again.
Mom sailed through the storm with the beatific smile of a buddhist priest. In fact, as the last of her hair goes, she really does look like a monk.
The kind that speak softly and then whack the stuffing out of you with their staffs.
Sister A has taken to calling mom "Point Defiance" after a road trip down the Oregon coast we took in July. We met in Tacoma and had a day before hitting the road and Sister A asked what we would like to do. As she ran through a list of places to visit, she mentioned Point Defiance, a Tacoma park with trails, zoo and aquarium. Mom said she wanted to go there and when Sister A asked why, mom said "Because it has the word 'defiance' ." So predictable.
Off we went. The aquarium and zoo were closed for the Zoobilee, but we walked a bit and saw bald eagles up close. Added to the beautiful views of Puget Sound, it was the perfect day trip with our rebellious mother.
I invoke a sincere appeal to the powers-that-be that mom's tenacity and refusal to be one with the sheeple afford her strength and comfort in the days ahead.
She certainly sat patiently through a 12-hour stay at TKO, beginning with a 6am start time for the port surgery, then endured (what has become the norm) another delay in the chemo treatment room while the advice nurse looked for Dr. C's order, and M, Dr. C's assistant smiled while being unhelpful.
Y'know, if it were a f***-off smile I could almost understand it, but it's more of a "I know, isn't it awful" smile while not taking any responsibility and not offering to correct the error. When I said I thought that Dr. C had green-lighted mom's chemo Friday after the meeting, M smiled and said winningly, "So did I." Ta-da. Yup, that was it. Did not lift a finger to follow up.
Later, mom and I discussed how hard it is to tell the competent folk from incompetent ones in Hawai'i because most people share the same laid-back demeanor which can look incompetent at first....until you run into the M's of the world. We also witnessed a loud-ish exchange right in the treatment room which seemed to be about port surgery scheduling and not being given the right timing of the sequence of the chemo process. Wow, deja vu all over again.
Mom sailed through the storm with the beatific smile of a buddhist priest. In fact, as the last of her hair goes, she really does look like a monk.
The kind that speak softly and then whack the stuffing out of you with their staffs.
Monday, December 22, 2008
animal, vegetable, miracle
I'm headed back to TKO to pick up mom. She had her port implanted today and is finishing up chemo - round 2. I hope she wins by KO. I left her comfortably settled on a lounge chair reading a Barbara Kingsolver book on going back to the land.
Beautiful day in Hawai'i nei today.
Beautiful day in Hawai'i nei today.
Sunday: odds and ends
Brother B dropped by today to help dad move out the last large items before the new floor gets poured tomorrow. The timing of my trip to the gym was coincidental, really.
Mom reads, munches, and watches, what else? sports.
Between trying to catch up on blog posts, I rip out 2x4s for the outside cement pour. A handy can of Raid is on stand-by. The only insects that attack me are mosquitoes (I wish V was still here, they like him better) so I reluctantly coat myself with repellent. Too bad they don't make this stuff for irs agents, neocons, and proselytizing hypocrites.
Dad comes out to help and we find our tools are too small so he enlists neighbor and bonecarver S, (he of the machete), who brings the biggest gol-durn crow bars I've ever seen, and efficiently finishes our project. What a guy. He must carve dinosaur bones with his tools.
I don't know how much posting I'll be able to do in the next few days while mom and I are in tutu's apartment. She wasn't using the google so I'll have to try to piggyback on someone's wireless network or find a Star-sucks.
Sweetheart Big E arrives xmas eve. I can't wait! If mom's up to it, we'll head back to the windward side and spend xmas day at the beach. Our floor must cure so no downstairs living until Friday.
Everything crossed that mom's port implant and chemo go smoothly tomorrow.
Mom reads, munches, and watches, what else? sports.
Between trying to catch up on blog posts, I rip out 2x4s for the outside cement pour. A handy can of Raid is on stand-by. The only insects that attack me are mosquitoes (I wish V was still here, they like him better) so I reluctantly coat myself with repellent. Too bad they don't make this stuff for irs agents, neocons, and proselytizing hypocrites.
Dad comes out to help and we find our tools are too small so he enlists neighbor and bonecarver S, (he of the machete), who brings the biggest gol-durn crow bars I've ever seen, and efficiently finishes our project. What a guy. He must carve dinosaur bones with his tools.
I don't know how much posting I'll be able to do in the next few days while mom and I are in tutu's apartment. She wasn't using the google so I'll have to try to piggyback on someone's wireless network or find a Star-sucks.
Sweetheart Big E arrives xmas eve. I can't wait! If mom's up to it, we'll head back to the windward side and spend xmas day at the beach. Our floor must cure so no downstairs living until Friday.
Everything crossed that mom's port implant and chemo go smoothly tomorrow.
Saturday: Sister A and BiL V say "mush"
Had to say good-bye to Sister A and BiL V today...they arrived home safely, but long past their scheduled arrival time because of a certain President-elect arriving at the same time they were supposed to depart, then finding out (glory be) that the plane had to be re-fueled. Poor things sat on the runway at least 1.5 hours while the storm system heading for the Pacific Northwest got colder and wetter.
Sister A texted me that the landing (on the snow-covered runway) was "Awesome!" There was tension-fueled applause, breaths were taken and many a gluteus maximus unclenched.
We're all going to miss my sister's sunny disposition and creative culinary cajolery. Our adventures of the last 2 weeks would not have been as humorous without her positive attitude, brainpower and always interesting observations.
V- she really IS the most amenable of all of us.
I'm glad she'll be back just after I leave but before Chemo #3 in January.
Sister A texted me that the landing (on the snow-covered runway) was "Awesome!" There was tension-fueled applause, breaths were taken and many a gluteus maximus unclenched.
We're all going to miss my sister's sunny disposition and creative culinary cajolery. Our adventures of the last 2 weeks would not have been as humorous without her positive attitude, brainpower and always interesting observations.
V- she really IS the most amenable of all of us.
I'm glad she'll be back just after I leave but before Chemo #3 in January.
Uncle V and the Tweeners - more Friday fun
Uncle V supervised the kids while we had our pow wow. We heard many renditions of the 5 holiday songs in the ET3000's 1500-song list.The mini twins played on the beach and waved at their grandmother. Mom is missing her Friday twin-fix. She's been spending every Friday with the twins since they were a few months old.
We've enjoyed her dispatches chronicling the latest in the wonder twins' development.
From an August 19, 2008 email:
...My most fun endeavor, the twins, (Rug-rat Life; S & D, Photo Credit: ©W. Chung) will be in college when you next see them. S is speaking in short sentences and D can operate anything mechanical. For some reason S has been picking up books of her older sisters, print only and no pictures, and browsing. But that's not the funny part--she brought me one and resigned to her current taste for once and not persuading her to get another, I took it and started to read. She looked at me w/ her you dummy expression and said, "Popo, need glasses." She's become aware of me looking for my glasses whenever there's small print!
One day she came up behind me, poking her little finger on one of my vericose veins, sympathetically saying "owhee." I started to give her a long explanation on the distinction between new and old hurts when before I knew it she was giving the vein a kiss! The two converse and play act a lot, laughing at their private jokes.
Last week, S was guiding D into this spot beside the piano. The only word I could catch was "Times," w/ D going along stiffly but w/ chuckles. I peeked over and asked them, "Are you doing timeout?" They nodded happily. "What did she do?" Lifting a finger, "Bite!" Then they both roared!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
most friday fun
I took mom to her pre-chemo blood draw and meeting with Dr. C, back from her own 2-week leave and seeing mom for the first time in a month. Sis C and The Nephew were there for the meeting. [Side note: I told The Nephew that Sister A was going to shave her hair off in solidarity with mom's hair loss and that he should do so too. He agreed, so there may be a few cueballs at the next family gathering]
All clear for Chemo - Round 2. The judges scored Round 1 in mom's favor. After 3 weeks, her blood pressure is normal, white blood cell count as expected, less pain, weight holding. Take that, cheneys!
Dr. C seems to be a bit unsettled because mom said she observed a slight defensiveness that was not present in the earlier meeting/telephone conversations. C'mon, I barely asked any questions.
After assuring us that she consulted with more colleagues than would normally have been the case, she gave us a strange lecture about the "danger" of getting another opinion at this point because it could be completely different and we could not stop the current protocol mid-process.
I gave her a look and said more information is always better and that, given the information we had at the time, we were comfortable with the current treatment. There were a few things I didn't say, but I'm sure my expression was at least an additional paragraph, if not a short story.
For us, the priority is mom's confidence in the professionals in charge of her case. As long as she's happy with Dr. C, we're fine too. However, we're not going to worship at her altar.
It's a bit of a balancing act between making sure the ill person has advocacy in navigating the medical system and managing the relationships with the health care professionals you need throughout the process.
Dr. C has clearly made some assumptions about mom that are laughably wrong. For instance, based on the comments she chose to make today, we think she believes mom needs lots of people contact for support and reinforcement.
This conclusion was probably drawn from the fact that most of us participated in the initial meeting (my tinny persistent voice coming out of the phone right next to her keyboard) and my ongoing attempts to get either a 2nd opinion or a consult with another oncologist within the TKO system outside of Hawai'i.
Fortunately for us, the "real" mom is present and fully engaged in taking care of mind, body and spirit...as she always has been. I am happy to be able to spend time with her and the family and lend my back to whatever lifting needs to be done. Mom has always been the moral and emotional center around which our family revolves. I'm honored to be able to support her for a change.
If Dr. C only knew.
All clear for Chemo - Round 2. The judges scored Round 1 in mom's favor. After 3 weeks, her blood pressure is normal, white blood cell count as expected, less pain, weight holding. Take that, cheneys!
Dr. C seems to be a bit unsettled because mom said she observed a slight defensiveness that was not present in the earlier meeting/telephone conversations. C'mon, I barely asked any questions.
After assuring us that she consulted with more colleagues than would normally have been the case, she gave us a strange lecture about the "danger" of getting another opinion at this point because it could be completely different and we could not stop the current protocol mid-process.
I gave her a look and said more information is always better and that, given the information we had at the time, we were comfortable with the current treatment. There were a few things I didn't say, but I'm sure my expression was at least an additional paragraph, if not a short story.
For us, the priority is mom's confidence in the professionals in charge of her case. As long as she's happy with Dr. C, we're fine too. However, we're not going to worship at her altar.
It's a bit of a balancing act between making sure the ill person has advocacy in navigating the medical system and managing the relationships with the health care professionals you need throughout the process.
Dr. C has clearly made some assumptions about mom that are laughably wrong. For instance, based on the comments she chose to make today, we think she believes mom needs lots of people contact for support and reinforcement.
This conclusion was probably drawn from the fact that most of us participated in the initial meeting (my tinny persistent voice coming out of the phone right next to her keyboard) and my ongoing attempts to get either a 2nd opinion or a consult with another oncologist within the TKO system outside of Hawai'i.
Fortunately for us, the "real" mom is present and fully engaged in taking care of mind, body and spirit...as she always has been. I am happy to be able to spend time with her and the family and lend my back to whatever lifting needs to be done. Mom has always been the moral and emotional center around which our family revolves. I'm honored to be able to support her for a change.
If Dr. C only knew.
Friday fun
We had a family meeting this morning to go over a number of scenarios involving unpleasant events and their legal and financial consequences. Call it Crisis Management - Family Edition. We also wanted to get an update on mom's and dad's wishes and see if their legal documents matched up. We found out we have some research and work to do.
If you, dear reader, have not yet done this, I highly recommend taking the time to do so. There are many gray areas that you don't think about until you take a really detailed look at different sequences of events. Sadly, death can start to look like one of the more tidy alternatives. All gray areas mean your survivors/trustees/executors have to interpret your post-competency desires, which could lead to seances, channeling and other fringe activities that are not conducive to harmony.
Fortunately, Field Marshall Mom knows how to rally and motivate her troops. Our discussion was relaxed, but business-like. We closed in general agreement, smartly saluted and adjourned with individual assignments, all marching in the same direction.
If you, dear reader, have not yet done this, I highly recommend taking the time to do so. There are many gray areas that you don't think about until you take a really detailed look at different sequences of events. Sadly, death can start to look like one of the more tidy alternatives. All gray areas mean your survivors/trustees/executors have to interpret your post-competency desires, which could lead to seances, channeling and other fringe activities that are not conducive to harmony.
Fortunately, Field Marshall Mom knows how to rally and motivate her troops. Our discussion was relaxed, but business-like. We closed in general agreement, smartly saluted and adjourned with individual assignments, all marching in the same direction.
marriage - a primer
What not to do 50+ years into a relationship...as recounted by Sister A:
Dad: (coming up the stairs with aggrieved expression and laundry in his arms) "P, I told you that I like the towels folded like this." [demonstrates origami-like towel folding technique]
Mom: (staring at dad for a loooong moment): "Ok, if it means that much to you, I'll do it your way... [upon hearing this part of the story the first time, I had the worrisome thought that mom was feeling MUCH sicker than she was letting on]
.....then I'll stab you at night" she finished.
Dad: (coming up the stairs with aggrieved expression and laundry in his arms) "P, I told you that I like the towels folded like this." [demonstrates origami-like towel folding technique]
Mom: (staring at dad for a loooong moment): "Ok, if it means that much to you, I'll do it your way... [upon hearing this part of the story the first time, I had the worrisome thought that mom was feeling MUCH sicker than she was letting on]
.....then I'll stab you at night" she finished.
Thursday post: Happy Birthday Sister A!
Mom requires much fact-based and sincerely told anecdotal evidence of the benefits of taking fiber in the form of psyllium husks today. We find out later she has called Dr. T her GP and asked him about it and he advises her not to because it can "bulk up." Without going into further details, he's half right, but our argument is persuasive enough that mom goes with our recommendation. Fortunately for mom, we're all-the-way right and her daily progress continues apace. Yay!
Sister A puts the car on auto-pilot to make her favorite run to the Commissary and PX while B-i-l V and I work at moving stuff off the garage floor next to the wall so that, come Monday, the cement guy can do a 2nd pour of filler for our unsealed mini-moat. We start to pull up a 2x4 to better examine what's down there and decide to leave it as creepy crawlies are disturbed and begin to scuttle away. Ugh. Let's give them some cement overcoats and entomb them forever as part of our Master Flood Control plan. Sleep with the fishes you little buggers.
Sis C arrives later in the day with Little E, Nephew D and dad's belated birthday gift, yes, the new Enter-tech ET3000 karaoke system. Sister A arrives after hours of shopping, I pull my world-famous bbq ribs out of the oven and we're ready to celebrate our December birthdays and sing the night away. Mom comes down to munch and assist dad with staying in whatever key he picks to start a song. Dad declares the present to be the best ever.
Niece Little E turns out (after getting over some understandable self-consciousness) to be the only one in the family who can sing a song beginning to end on key and with proper phrasing. My Sweetheart Big E, the current Karaoke Revolution Platinum album record holder, will be thrilled to know we have a budding songster in the family.
Move over, Miley Ray Cyrus.
Sister A puts the car on auto-pilot to make her favorite run to the Commissary and PX while B-i-l V and I work at moving stuff off the garage floor next to the wall so that, come Monday, the cement guy can do a 2nd pour of filler for our unsealed mini-moat. We start to pull up a 2x4 to better examine what's down there and decide to leave it as creepy crawlies are disturbed and begin to scuttle away. Ugh. Let's give them some cement overcoats and entomb them forever as part of our Master Flood Control plan. Sleep with the fishes you little buggers.
Sis C arrives later in the day with Little E, Nephew D and dad's belated birthday gift, yes, the new Enter-tech ET3000 karaoke system. Sister A arrives after hours of shopping, I pull my world-famous bbq ribs out of the oven and we're ready to celebrate our December birthdays and sing the night away. Mom comes down to munch and assist dad with staying in whatever key he picks to start a song. Dad declares the present to be the best ever.
Niece Little E turns out (after getting over some understandable self-consciousness) to be the only one in the family who can sing a song beginning to end on key and with proper phrasing. My Sweetheart Big E, the current Karaoke Revolution Platinum album record holder, will be thrilled to know we have a budding songster in the family.
Move over, Miley Ray Cyrus.
Wednesday post: Brother-in-law V arrives!
Sister A's hubbie V arrives, bringing mom much welcome sports fan talk and more muscle for moving stuff out of the house in preparation for the new cement floor. Mom had been stripping tile for weeks in preparation for a new floor and last week's flood made the decision much easier, cement it is.
We also discovered that water poured in through the street-facing wall floorboards because a section of garage closest to the house was never finished. The garage cement stopped as much as 2.5' from the exterior wall and was just some 2x4s over a 6" deep furrow. The bottom of which has just a layer of large gravel. Aha, no wonder the water flowed in. Two-fer.
But first, welcome b-i-l V! We are so happy to see you. Mom is so happy to see you. Most importantly, the empty sand bags need filling.
We also discovered that water poured in through the street-facing wall floorboards because a section of garage closest to the house was never finished. The garage cement stopped as much as 2.5' from the exterior wall and was just some 2x4s over a 6" deep furrow. The bottom of which has just a layer of large gravel. Aha, no wonder the water flowed in. Two-fer.
But first, welcome b-i-l V! We are so happy to see you. Mom is so happy to see you. Most importantly, the empty sand bags need filling.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
transit of tutu - Tuesday's post
I wish I could post the astounding picture of tai chi tutu we received Tuesday afternoon. She looks focused as she stands with arms out at her sides, shoulder height. A pose I doubt we could get her to recreate, let alone hold. I can't share the picture because tutu no longer has the capacity to give me permission. She was diagnosed as having had a series of small strokes a few years ago and her ability to manage daily tasks has been in incremental but inexorable decline.
For the past couple of years, mom, dad, and Sis C and her family, with assistance from wonderful home care worker S have attended to tutu in her condo by taking shifts to ensure 24hr coverage. This schedule was undertaken out of their desire to support her staying in her home until she needed more professional structure to keep up a quality of life.
So Tuesday marked another milestone. My grandmother started her first day at the senior care home the family had agreed on when my dad's brothers were in town last year for tutu's 90th birthday. The home calls itself a "residential memory care facility (RMCF)."
Mom's illness did not speed up the timeline. According to mom it was dependent on tutu's condition and, after the first opening was declined in September, the family decided the next opening would be accepted. In the meantime mom got sick, and they learned the next expected opening was after the middle of January.
For the past couple of years, mom, dad, and Sis C and her family, with assistance from wonderful home care worker S have attended to tutu in her condo by taking shifts to ensure 24hr coverage. This schedule was undertaken out of their desire to support her staying in her home until she needed more professional structure to keep up a quality of life.
So Tuesday marked another milestone. My grandmother started her first day at the senior care home the family had agreed on when my dad's brothers were in town last year for tutu's 90th birthday. The home calls itself a "residential memory care facility (RMCF)."
Mom's illness did not speed up the timeline. According to mom it was dependent on tutu's condition and, after the first opening was declined in September, the family decided the next opening would be accepted. In the meantime mom got sick, and they learned the next expected opening was after the middle of January.
I took mom's evening shift last week and expected to continue to do so until I left in January, but fate DOES move in mysterious ways. Sis C called me while I was working and asked if I had been by RMCF the evening before. I was a bit puzzled by her question, then she explained.
Tuesday, a resident had fallen, broken a hip and had to be hospitalized. The director called Sis C and said a spot might be opening immediately. Fortunately for me, tutu wasn't my only witness to having been with her in her condo most of the previous evening. Friends came over to visit and, as they're both lawyers and officers of the court, I can categorically state that I was no where near that facility during the time the unfortunate accident occurred.
With relief more than thankfulness (after all, someone did fall and was not able to get up) Sis C and her kids moved tutu into RMCF today. My niece Little E wasn't prepared for the suddeness of the move, though she told me later she knew it was going to happen sometime. They had to decorate tutu's room in the dark because there was a power outage that morning and as they worked by lantern light, Little E told Sis C that she could not be a party to this and perhaps the power outage was a sign that they should not be abandoning tutu to the clutches of RMCF. Ok, I added that last part.
Fortunately for all, the transition was easier for tutu than Little E. The director told Sis C as she was leaving that it was the smoothest he had seen. The picture of tai chi tutu arrived later in the day with a note that she was participating in all the activities and the staff was enjoying her.
I hope the happy glow lasts.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
inconstant cravings
Still behind on the updates, but I hope to catch up one day. Monday dawn brought minor but irritating side effects for mom. Her anticipated trip to the bookstore was postponed again. The most challenging part of treatment for mom has been ingesting sufficient calories.I got a bunch of work done, Sister A spoiled us with her creative kitchen stylings, and mom watched sports, read, and womanfully ate and drank what was put before her. (Hau'ula dawn, Photo Credit: ©G. Chung)
We have one week to get her in tip top shape for her next chemo. If her Friday offering of blood is acceptable, TKO and Dr. C will authorize the port implant early Monday before the treatment. Ah, the port, so beloved by Dr. No. Hopefully, this will save wear and tear on mom's veins.
As sad and awful as mom's illness is, it's a pleasure to chat with her and Sister A between chewing, drinking, sleeping, light exercise and privacy breaks. Sports, of course, is a favorite topic, as well as both the lame duck and incoming administrations. The economic implosion is used for seasoning. I will attempt to capture some of mom's more trenchant observations when I am less tired so as to do them justice.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
naupaka lore
Living at the beach was a long-time dream of mom's. There was a sandy lining in a financial set-back a few years ago..my parents ended up moving out to a modest home on the windward side of O'ahu.
Our family has been fortunate to have collectively traveled quite a bit, but I still think this is one of the most beautiful spots on the planet. Sitting here at the computer in the "sick room" I can see ocean to my right and the knife-edge ridges of the Ko'olau mountains to my left. (Naupaka kuahili, Photo Credit: ©R. Bartlett)
Beach residents have various methods of preserving their property line from erosion. Mom has not wanted to mess with mother nature by building an illegal sea wall. She carefully tends her naupaka plants as a natural barrier above the previous owners' artful pile of really big rocks. The ocean giveth and the ocean taketh away. Sometimes in very bizarre ways.
The naupaka kahakai (Scaevola sencea) is one of Hawaii’s most common beach plants. There are nine different species of naupaka, which typically grow up to 10 feet tall and six to 15 feet wide. The plant has large leaves with flowers in small clusters. The flowers are typically white with purplish streaks and the petals form a semi-circle so that they appear to be only half a bloom. The fruits are round, white and spongy. Naupaka is sometimes called "hua hekili", or hail, Lit. thunder fruit (Puk.9.18).
There is a variety that grows in the mountain, naupaka kuahili, finer-leaved and again, only forming a half circle of petals. The presence of the plant in separate ecosystems along with the unusual appearance of the flowers have given rise to numerous separated lovers legends, none of which end happily.
One version is princess and commoner, another, two hula students for whom intimacy is forbidden by the kapu system. [Kapu refers to the ancient Hawaiian system of laws and regulations. An offense that was kapu was often a corporal offense, but also often denoted a threat to spiritual power, or theft of mana. Kapus were strictly enforced. Breaking one, even unintentionally, often meant immediate death. The concept is related to taboo and the tapu or tabu found in other Polynesian cultures].. Sometimes the blossoms are torn by a protagonist in the story, at other times the lovers have been turned into the blossoms. There is the occasional jealous and powerful 3rd person in a triangle.
There is a strong streak of sentimentality in the local culture that is at odds with mom's matter-of-fact personality (see blog title), despite the abiding and profound respect she has for the ideals and values of the kanaka maoli.
Whatever their origin, beach naupaka are suited to life on the shore. We were thankful for their shallow root systems last Thursday as we hacked through 8 feet of bushes to dig an outflow trench for the flood water and we're grateful that it continues to be a beautiful and resilient, yet porous barrier against the inevitable ocean encroachment.
Our family has been fortunate to have collectively traveled quite a bit, but I still think this is one of the most beautiful spots on the planet. Sitting here at the computer in the "sick room" I can see ocean to my right and the knife-edge ridges of the Ko'olau mountains to my left. (Naupaka kuahili, Photo Credit: ©R. Bartlett)
Beach residents have various methods of preserving their property line from erosion. Mom has not wanted to mess with mother nature by building an illegal sea wall. She carefully tends her naupaka plants as a natural barrier above the previous owners' artful pile of really big rocks. The ocean giveth and the ocean taketh away. Sometimes in very bizarre ways.
The naupaka kahakai (Scaevola sencea) is one of Hawaii’s most common beach plants. There are nine different species of naupaka, which typically grow up to 10 feet tall and six to 15 feet wide. The plant has large leaves with flowers in small clusters. The flowers are typically white with purplish streaks and the petals form a semi-circle so that they appear to be only half a bloom. The fruits are round, white and spongy. Naupaka is sometimes called "hua hekili", or hail, Lit. thunder fruit (Puk.9.18).
There is a variety that grows in the mountain, naupaka kuahili, finer-leaved and again, only forming a half circle of petals. The presence of the plant in separate ecosystems along with the unusual appearance of the flowers have given rise to numerous separated lovers legends, none of which end happily.
One version is princess and commoner, another, two hula students for whom intimacy is forbidden by the kapu system. [Kapu refers to the ancient Hawaiian system of laws and regulations. An offense that was kapu was often a corporal offense, but also often denoted a threat to spiritual power, or theft of mana. Kapus were strictly enforced. Breaking one, even unintentionally, often meant immediate death. The concept is related to taboo and the tapu or tabu found in other Polynesian cultures].. Sometimes the blossoms are torn by a protagonist in the story, at other times the lovers have been turned into the blossoms. There is the occasional jealous and powerful 3rd person in a triangle.
There is a strong streak of sentimentality in the local culture that is at odds with mom's matter-of-fact personality (see blog title), despite the abiding and profound respect she has for the ideals and values of the kanaka maoli.
Whatever their origin, beach naupaka are suited to life on the shore. We were thankful for their shallow root systems last Thursday as we hacked through 8 feet of bushes to dig an outflow trench for the flood water and we're grateful that it continues to be a beautiful and resilient, yet porous barrier against the inevitable ocean encroachment.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
happy birthday, dad!
Dad is excited this morning because his birthday netflix from Sister A arrived. She set up his queue with his favorite musicals and he is currently preparing for his sing-along with "Camelot."
Several years ago we gifted dad with singing lessons and he still talks excitedly about that time. Side note: the instructor disappeared after dad's last lesson. Coincidence? He's made many claims about karaoke bar compliments, but I'm skeptical. There's a reason the setting is a drinking establishment.
Startling revelation -- he once dragged his mother to a karaoke bar. Yeah, that's disturbing, but the startling part was her comment, "Not too bad." That's the equivalent of Simon Cowell gushing about a contestant on "American Idol."
Mom has always supported dad in his personal interests and business decisions. This unwavering and principled support has sometimes been a cause of extreme disagreement between us. However, their shared love of music and her support of his vocal stylings has been one of the more interesting aspects of their relationship.
My father has a pleasant voice but can't stay on key. Mom has a good ear but can't sing. The result (with varying degrees of success depending on the song): a Christopher Guest-worthy duo of mom on the ukulele trying to keep dad on key, and dad following a meandering path in and out of the key of C as they inflict minor wounds on the rich tradition of Hawaiian music.
Sigh. I guess the next few days will be filled with renditions of "If Ever I Would Leave You."
Several years ago we gifted dad with singing lessons and he still talks excitedly about that time. Side note: the instructor disappeared after dad's last lesson. Coincidence? He's made many claims about karaoke bar compliments, but I'm skeptical. There's a reason the setting is a drinking establishment.
Startling revelation -- he once dragged his mother to a karaoke bar. Yeah, that's disturbing, but the startling part was her comment, "Not too bad." That's the equivalent of Simon Cowell gushing about a contestant on "American Idol."
Mom has always supported dad in his personal interests and business decisions. This unwavering and principled support has sometimes been a cause of extreme disagreement between us. However, their shared love of music and her support of his vocal stylings has been one of the more interesting aspects of their relationship.
My father has a pleasant voice but can't stay on key. Mom has a good ear but can't sing. The result (with varying degrees of success depending on the song): a Christopher Guest-worthy duo of mom on the ukulele trying to keep dad on key, and dad following a meandering path in and out of the key of C as they inflict minor wounds on the rich tradition of Hawaiian music.
Sigh. I guess the next few days will be filled with renditions of "If Ever I Would Leave You."
power of positive thinking
Mom wanted to go to a bookstore today, but was feeling a bit uncomfortable so we've postponed our eagerly awaited outing. Sister A and yrs. truly take after mom in our love of reading. We have our discount coupons waiting for the next opportunity to get mom out of the house and into our shared favorite hangout...anyplace with things to read.
Instead, mom and Sister A continued the clean up from yesterday's flooding while I got some work done. The forecast called for more rain. We felt the humidity throughout the day, but no rain. Yay. Yrs. truly and Sister A were not eager to fill more sand bags. We decided that a conditioning workout for budding volleyball players is called for this weekend.
Around 5pm I was trying to get some last work emails sent, mom was watching our lame duck "President" and Sister A was preparing mom's dinner when the power went out. Dad was home and we all joined mom in the "sick room" to watch the dramatic lightning show over the ocean. Sister A said what could be more desirable than a candlelight dinner at the beach.
We chatted about a favorite topic of all, meals we have known. Both of my parents' mothers were famous cooks in their day and Sister A and I were tortured with remembered dishes and renowned cooking phases that occured before we were old enough to appreciate them. Clearly the current administration's contempt of the rule of law and the Geneva Conventions contributed to mom and dad's callous disregard for our right to not be tormented by the recounting of eating experiences that could never be recreated.
Then the rain came down. Not quite as continuously as yesterday, but again, large volumes in a short period.
Sister A and I bolted into action. I was forced to don a headlamp, courtesy of Sister A, who outfits the family with fabulous items sold by her employer, Well Known Recreational Equipment Store. Time to check on our Flood Control plan. I rearranged sand bags and put together 40 ft. of drain pipe extension to divert run off into the empty lot. Dad helped us to move things above the 6 inch Hundred Year mark, everything that had not been cleaned off was left to fate.
We looked pretty funny to each other, but it was nice to have hands free. We decided we had done all we could and went upstairs to dry off and report to Field Marshall Mom. Of course, as soon as we completed our mission in the dark, the power came back on.
No more candlelight reminiscing, thank the powers that be.
Instead, mom and Sister A continued the clean up from yesterday's flooding while I got some work done. The forecast called for more rain. We felt the humidity throughout the day, but no rain. Yay. Yrs. truly and Sister A were not eager to fill more sand bags. We decided that a conditioning workout for budding volleyball players is called for this weekend.
Around 5pm I was trying to get some last work emails sent, mom was watching our lame duck "President" and Sister A was preparing mom's dinner when the power went out. Dad was home and we all joined mom in the "sick room" to watch the dramatic lightning show over the ocean. Sister A said what could be more desirable than a candlelight dinner at the beach.
We chatted about a favorite topic of all, meals we have known. Both of my parents' mothers were famous cooks in their day and Sister A and I were tortured with remembered dishes and renowned cooking phases that occured before we were old enough to appreciate them. Clearly the current administration's contempt of the rule of law and the Geneva Conventions contributed to mom and dad's callous disregard for our right to not be tormented by the recounting of eating experiences that could never be recreated.
Then the rain came down. Not quite as continuously as yesterday, but again, large volumes in a short period.
Sister A and I bolted into action. I was forced to don a headlamp, courtesy of Sister A, who outfits the family with fabulous items sold by her employer, Well Known Recreational Equipment Store. Time to check on our Flood Control plan. I rearranged sand bags and put together 40 ft. of drain pipe extension to divert run off into the empty lot. Dad helped us to move things above the 6 inch Hundred Year mark, everything that had not been cleaned off was left to fate.
We looked pretty funny to each other, but it was nice to have hands free. We decided we had done all we could and went upstairs to dry off and report to Field Marshall Mom. Of course, as soon as we completed our mission in the dark, the power came back on.
No more candlelight reminiscing, thank the powers that be.
Friday, December 12, 2008
water music - long post, be warned
Donner, Blitzen and the 9th reindeer, Regen, arrived early this Thursday morning. One (2syllables) the Dog was howling and was exiled to spend the day with his pack, 2 doors up from my folks' house. I had returned the night before with Tutu because, yes, my 74-yr. old parents share primary care giving duties (with Sis C) for dad's 91-yr. old mother. I had taken a shift Tuesday night and was all set to stay in town with her Wed., but dad didn't want to change her routine so we trekked back to the windward side. Unfortunately Tutu has had a series of small strokes so her personality has disintegrated. For example, she's now pleasant to be around.
Woke up to the howling wind and rain and set up to get some work done after making sure mom had some breakfast. Dad was getting ready to head to work after dropping Tutu off at senior day care. I had made a few trips up and down the stairs and noticed water in the entry way around 7:30.
I yelled, "Flooding!" and pushed out the front door into 4 inches of rising water. Mom said grab a broom and try to sweep it away from the door and use boards to block the door. Sister A came out with me and we spent 15 futile minutes paddling through 6 inches of water as dad and mom tried to stem the tide, then bail. After we paddled the equivalent of a nautical mile, we realized how ridiculous this effort was and Sister A went inside to help bail while I pushed water around and thought about what to do next.
I went inside the house, now under 6 inches of water which had seeped in from the garage wall, and barked at my mom to put down her bailing pot, go upstairs and turn off anything electrical. Sorry for that mom. As you read through the following, please be reminded that it is set to the music of water. Lots and lots of water.
The lots on either side were as full of water as ours and it was clear the water had nowhere to go. I abandoned my soggy broom and ran to the beach, looking for places the water was coming through, but the dang illegal cement seawalls, meant to protect from threats from the ocean, were now successfully stopping the water from draining. I wanted to dig a trench away from the house so the water had a safe outlet. Sister A suggested looking at the empty lot next door after my explorations around the house proved unpromising. Sure enough, there was a slight trickle through the naupaka kahakai which literally means naupaka by the sea (future post will explain the Naupaka legend).
I put on shoes, because who knew what had been left, thrown, or abandoned in that lot over the years (Sister A later found a partial jawbone) grabbed a pick-ax and shovel and sloshed my way to the thick naupaka shrubs next door..except without the door. Luckily, the neighbors on the other side of the lot were home and husband grabbed a machete after assuring me their place was fine. He hacked and I swung and our trench to the sea soon was filled with water running from the lot.
We had asked Sis C to call nearby friends for help and S showed up in complete rain gear with heavy garbage bags to be filled with sand. We surveyed the empty lot and ours to pick a spot to trench and drain. We decided to fill sandbags first and use them to divert water from the house.
Sister A prepared some food for mom - the show must go on - and I went to check on her and Tutu. Mom was cool, reading and munching on nuts. Tutu looked at me as if I were a nut. I updated mom on the latest water movement and ran back outside to begin phase 2 of Operation: Flood for Thought.
Sister A, S and I shoveled sand, hefted buckets of sand and swung bags of sand. Thank you Trainer K for all those 80lb gorilla squats, 495lb leg presses and 480-repetition upper body workouts. At one point while shoveling sand, Sister A and I started laughing hysterically because the night before I was urging her to come to the gym with me and work out.
Oh yeah, I don't recommend lifting sand in 32 gallon bags. The sand flops and is quite unwieldy. Not to mention one has a tendency to overfill them. This means you, Sister A.
Garbage bag break wall completed we took a snack break to plan phase 3, a trench to divert water to the empty lot and out to the beach.
The rain stops and the sun comes out. It actually gets hot. Our lot and empty lot have mostly drained, but the house next door is still in standing water and across the highway the lots are under water.
We obtain permission from mom to pull out some plants between the empty lot and trench a discreet diversion, keeping our prune-ish toes and fingers crossed that it will work to run off water if we get inundated again.
We see off S with profuse thanks. Dad's friend T arrives with a sump pump and Brother B shows up with our ordered supplies, including real sand bags and a blower. Dad has been using a shop vac to suck up water, laboriously emptying the container. Neighbor N, 2 doors up and breeder of One the Dog has been helping him.
Many hours later, we've torn out the rest of the carpet (mom had been working on a floor project before she got sick), chiseled off the wet ancient fake tiling underneath, sopped up puddles, washed off the sofa, cleaned or threw away anything under the 6 inch level, gotten soaked again as we checked our handiwork in the evening rainshower, and watched a dvd of a local comedian that I was glad E wasn't there to see as he was exceptionally vulgar and not that funny. Sister A and I had laughed much harder at our ersatz gym workout and at all the odds-n-ends that kept popping up throughout the clean up, including a 12-inch long lei sewing needle that flew as if thrown by an 8-inch tall warrior and almost impaled Brother B as he was pulling up carpet.
More water expected tomorrow.
Woke up to the howling wind and rain and set up to get some work done after making sure mom had some breakfast. Dad was getting ready to head to work after dropping Tutu off at senior day care. I had made a few trips up and down the stairs and noticed water in the entry way around 7:30.
I yelled, "Flooding!" and pushed out the front door into 4 inches of rising water. Mom said grab a broom and try to sweep it away from the door and use boards to block the door. Sister A came out with me and we spent 15 futile minutes paddling through 6 inches of water as dad and mom tried to stem the tide, then bail. After we paddled the equivalent of a nautical mile, we realized how ridiculous this effort was and Sister A went inside to help bail while I pushed water around and thought about what to do next.
I went inside the house, now under 6 inches of water which had seeped in from the garage wall, and barked at my mom to put down her bailing pot, go upstairs and turn off anything electrical. Sorry for that mom. As you read through the following, please be reminded that it is set to the music of water. Lots and lots of water.
The lots on either side were as full of water as ours and it was clear the water had nowhere to go. I abandoned my soggy broom and ran to the beach, looking for places the water was coming through, but the dang illegal cement seawalls, meant to protect from threats from the ocean, were now successfully stopping the water from draining. I wanted to dig a trench away from the house so the water had a safe outlet. Sister A suggested looking at the empty lot next door after my explorations around the house proved unpromising. Sure enough, there was a slight trickle through the naupaka kahakai which literally means naupaka by the sea (future post will explain the Naupaka legend).
I put on shoes, because who knew what had been left, thrown, or abandoned in that lot over the years (Sister A later found a partial jawbone) grabbed a pick-ax and shovel and sloshed my way to the thick naupaka shrubs next door..except without the door. Luckily, the neighbors on the other side of the lot were home and husband grabbed a machete after assuring me their place was fine. He hacked and I swung and our trench to the sea soon was filled with water running from the lot.
We had asked Sis C to call nearby friends for help and S showed up in complete rain gear with heavy garbage bags to be filled with sand. We surveyed the empty lot and ours to pick a spot to trench and drain. We decided to fill sandbags first and use them to divert water from the house.
Sister A prepared some food for mom - the show must go on - and I went to check on her and Tutu. Mom was cool, reading and munching on nuts. Tutu looked at me as if I were a nut. I updated mom on the latest water movement and ran back outside to begin phase 2 of Operation: Flood for Thought.
Sister A, S and I shoveled sand, hefted buckets of sand and swung bags of sand. Thank you Trainer K for all those 80lb gorilla squats, 495lb leg presses and 480-repetition upper body workouts. At one point while shoveling sand, Sister A and I started laughing hysterically because the night before I was urging her to come to the gym with me and work out.
Oh yeah, I don't recommend lifting sand in 32 gallon bags. The sand flops and is quite unwieldy. Not to mention one has a tendency to overfill them. This means you, Sister A.
Garbage bag break wall completed we took a snack break to plan phase 3, a trench to divert water to the empty lot and out to the beach.
The rain stops and the sun comes out. It actually gets hot. Our lot and empty lot have mostly drained, but the house next door is still in standing water and across the highway the lots are under water.
We obtain permission from mom to pull out some plants between the empty lot and trench a discreet diversion, keeping our prune-ish toes and fingers crossed that it will work to run off water if we get inundated again.
We see off S with profuse thanks. Dad's friend T arrives with a sump pump and Brother B shows up with our ordered supplies, including real sand bags and a blower. Dad has been using a shop vac to suck up water, laboriously emptying the container. Neighbor N, 2 doors up and breeder of One the Dog has been helping him.
Many hours later, we've torn out the rest of the carpet (mom had been working on a floor project before she got sick), chiseled off the wet ancient fake tiling underneath, sopped up puddles, washed off the sofa, cleaned or threw away anything under the 6 inch level, gotten soaked again as we checked our handiwork in the evening rainshower, and watched a dvd of a local comedian that I was glad E wasn't there to see as he was exceptionally vulgar and not that funny. Sister A and I had laughed much harder at our ersatz gym workout and at all the odds-n-ends that kept popping up throughout the clean up, including a 12-inch long lei sewing needle that flew as if thrown by an 8-inch tall warrior and almost impaled Brother B as he was pulling up carpet.
More water expected tomorrow.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
with a little help from her friends
(Misty May-Treanor visits the sick room, Photo Credit: ©G. Pi'ianaia)Tuesday arrives sunny and warm with a good chance of visitors. Mom has eaten some egg for the first time and, rather defiantly (more on that theme to come) after Sister A cajoled her with visions of high-calorie bites, chomped one of 3 small celery sticks with peanut butter and announced, "There, 40 calories."
Uncle J and Aunties C and I arrive bearing goodies and chat. Long-time friends (Auntie C - mom's college roommate at Michigan State) and fellow sports nuts, much of the talk is about current tennis games, the possibility of going to the US Open next year, the Olympics and the Special Olympics. Aunties I and C were inordinately proud of the gold medals they "won" at bowling in the Special Olympics. For the record, they are not developmentally challenged (that I know of) so I'm still unclear on how they snagged 2 gold medals. I fervently hope there are not 2 crying kids out there, looking for their medals.
Later in the day I received a photo in a text message from Sister A. The pic showed; Sister A, tall, large woman in sarong-thingie, and mom, arms around each other, smiling, with the message, "Guess who we found sitting at the bus stop?" (There's one in front of my parents' house). I couldn't really see the face of the middle person so I texted back, "A giantess?"
Later, I spoke with Sister A who told me that Uncle G brought family friend and Beach Volleyball gold medalist Misty May-Treanor and her husband, pro baseball player, Matt Treanor over to the house to visit with mom. I'm not sure if MM-T was wearing her gold medal with jade from the Beijing Olympics but I'm sure mom was a happy camper, in her element talking about sports with pros. By the way, MM-T is only 5'9" - pretty short for a vb player but gigantic next to most women in our clan.
Uncle J and Aunties C and I arrive bearing goodies and chat. Long-time friends (Auntie C - mom's college roommate at Michigan State) and fellow sports nuts, much of the talk is about current tennis games, the possibility of going to the US Open next year, the Olympics and the Special Olympics. Aunties I and C were inordinately proud of the gold medals they "won" at bowling in the Special Olympics. For the record, they are not developmentally challenged (that I know of) so I'm still unclear on how they snagged 2 gold medals. I fervently hope there are not 2 crying kids out there, looking for their medals.
Later in the day I received a photo in a text message from Sister A. The pic showed; Sister A, tall, large woman in sarong-thingie, and mom, arms around each other, smiling, with the message, "Guess who we found sitting at the bus stop?" (There's one in front of my parents' house). I couldn't really see the face of the middle person so I texted back, "A giantess?"
Later, I spoke with Sister A who told me that Uncle G brought family friend and Beach Volleyball gold medalist Misty May-Treanor and her husband, pro baseball player, Matt Treanor over to the house to visit with mom. I'm not sure if MM-T was wearing her gold medal with jade from the Beijing Olympics but I'm sure mom was a happy camper, in her element talking about sports with pros. By the way, MM-T is only 5'9" - pretty short for a vb player but gigantic next to most women in our clan.
Thank you friends, for your thoughtfulness, your selves and your generous offers of assistance. Oh, and the laughter.
monday metrics
We had a weigh-in today and counted calories. Good news is that mom is still in triple digits. Bad news is that, while poi is really good for you, it's low in calories, too. We decided to do a literal and figurative gut check and get a baseline for progress. Clear goals help, but it's a challenge to not turn eating and drinking into a chore.
Mom has a couple weeks to get to fighting weight for her next round of chemo. (Cancer, cancer cells and all other forms of badness will hereafter be referred to as cheneys.) Mom has been working on visualizing food that will appeal to her and it's working. Instead of waking up thinking of having to eat and feeling nauseous, she's waking up and thinking about what she might like to eat. Her wish is our command. She's a very cooperative and good-natured sick person so taking care of her is a gentle breeze.
Today was one week after her first chemo treatment and mom is at her peppiest and showing some enthusiasm for food choices. She got out to water her plants and did some laundry. She's determined to get muscle tone back as well as poundage.
Sister A and I head into town because there's never been a Costco she wouldn't visit. Everything is so large there I feel like a lilliputian. On the way back, we stop by Auntie L and Uncle R's to pick up the delicious lotus root soup my mom ordered a day earlier. Mom's sister Auntie L is feeling sad. The two sisters are the only ones left in their immediate family. We try to provide comfort by assuring her that mom has the cleanest relationships and least baggage of anyone we know and that Auntie L does not have to do anything or say anything for mom to know she loves her.
Then I get her to promise to give us her secret chocolate cake recipe.
Sister A and I high five and we all say our good-byes a bit lighter of heart.
Mom has a couple weeks to get to fighting weight for her next round of chemo. (Cancer, cancer cells and all other forms of badness will hereafter be referred to as cheneys.) Mom has been working on visualizing food that will appeal to her and it's working. Instead of waking up thinking of having to eat and feeling nauseous, she's waking up and thinking about what she might like to eat. Her wish is our command. She's a very cooperative and good-natured sick person so taking care of her is a gentle breeze.
Today was one week after her first chemo treatment and mom is at her peppiest and showing some enthusiasm for food choices. She got out to water her plants and did some laundry. She's determined to get muscle tone back as well as poundage.
Sister A and I head into town because there's never been a Costco she wouldn't visit. Everything is so large there I feel like a lilliputian. On the way back, we stop by Auntie L and Uncle R's to pick up the delicious lotus root soup my mom ordered a day earlier. Mom's sister Auntie L is feeling sad. The two sisters are the only ones left in their immediate family. We try to provide comfort by assuring her that mom has the cleanest relationships and least baggage of anyone we know and that Auntie L does not have to do anything or say anything for mom to know she loves her.
Then I get her to promise to give us her secret chocolate cake recipe.
Sister A and I high five and we all say our good-byes a bit lighter of heart.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
sunday party in the country
Brother B brought twins squared and Sis C brought her 2, plus tutu (huh, I guess that looks like 6) out to visit with us (Sister A and yrs. truly) and to seek an audience with the Wizard, er, mom. Everyone is overly solicitous at the moment, but I'm sure we'll get over it and be back to our normal loud opinionated selves in no time. Mom enjoyed the mini-twins waving at her from the beach, and visiting with sundry family members between naps.
Auntie Gay did get to conduct a mini-clinic with up-and-coming volleyball stars, nephew D, and nieces A, D, and E. After various drills had been completed, ono-licious food gobbled up, and news shared, there was a communist-style self criticism session. My favorite kind. I got to listen to pretty astute assessments of skill, niece E wanted to skip the positive parts and go right to the critique. I think we have some future setters in the hale.
Beautiful day, makai and mauka, plus family matters. As mom said a couple of days ago, "Not a bad sick room, eh."
Auntie Gay did get to conduct a mini-clinic with up-and-coming volleyball stars, nephew D, and nieces A, D, and E. After various drills had been completed, ono-licious food gobbled up, and news shared, there was a communist-style self criticism session. My favorite kind. I got to listen to pretty astute assessments of skill, niece E wanted to skip the positive parts and go right to the critique. I think we have some future setters in the hale.
Beautiful day, makai and mauka, plus family matters. As mom said a couple of days ago, "Not a bad sick room, eh."
Monday, December 8, 2008
sports fan(atic)
Mom has been content to read and watch football this weekend. A certain high school which she, I, and the President-elect are graduates of was playing for its first ever (yes, 100+ years) state championship this Friday past. On Saturday, the local university team that she has held season tickets to since forever was playing its last regular season game against a ranked team. She also had several other college games to follow.
Our family comes by our sports-nuts-hood honestly. Mom rarely loses a sports trivia contest. Before her illness she could be found puttering around her yard and beach combing wearing a headset with large earphones often conducting conversations (even on the telephone) without removing the headset as she listened to whatever sport was in season. This should explain any odd distraction if you called her while any game was being broadcast.
She was a standout athlete in high school, having transferred to our shared alma mater in 7th grade and she won a HS tennis title despite having picked up the game very late and playing against girls who had years of lessons in the tennis clubs. For those of you who know me, she's wa-a-a-y more competitive than I am. Really. She was also a pretty good baseball infielder. I remember her in Germany in the 80s listening to baseball games on the radio at 2am.
My Brother-in-law V (only character flaw - Dallas Cowboy fan) has found a kindred soul in my mom. The two of them can be found in the sports bar of the C Hotel during much of our bi-annual trips to Vegas.
Our immediate clan can live, breathe, play, talk and argue about sports, athletes, coaches, games, philosophy, character, integrity, honesty, techniques, technicalities, technical fouls ad nauseum (to anyone not as sports-obsessed).
Mom's closing quote of the night after her local college team (she picked to upset their ranked opponent) lost their season ending game in the closing minutes:
"Well, they played badly all season in bits and pieces. Tonight they put it all together."
Our family comes by our sports-nuts-hood honestly. Mom rarely loses a sports trivia contest. Before her illness she could be found puttering around her yard and beach combing wearing a headset with large earphones often conducting conversations (even on the telephone) without removing the headset as she listened to whatever sport was in season. This should explain any odd distraction if you called her while any game was being broadcast.
She was a standout athlete in high school, having transferred to our shared alma mater in 7th grade and she won a HS tennis title despite having picked up the game very late and playing against girls who had years of lessons in the tennis clubs. For those of you who know me, she's wa-a-a-y more competitive than I am. Really. She was also a pretty good baseball infielder. I remember her in Germany in the 80s listening to baseball games on the radio at 2am.
My Brother-in-law V (only character flaw - Dallas Cowboy fan) has found a kindred soul in my mom. The two of them can be found in the sports bar of the C Hotel during much of our bi-annual trips to Vegas.
Our immediate clan can live, breathe, play, talk and argue about sports, athletes, coaches, games, philosophy, character, integrity, honesty, techniques, technicalities, technical fouls ad nauseum (to anyone not as sports-obsessed).
Mom's closing quote of the night after her local college team (she picked to upset their ranked opponent) lost their season ending game in the closing minutes:
"Well, they played badly all season in bits and pieces. Tonight they put it all together."
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Sister A arrives!
Much discussion about food options this Saturday afternoon. Our Master Chef, Sister A has arrived. Thank goodness. I'm more suited as sous chef. Mom had not been consuming enough calories today but with the arrival of Sister A, she becomes an eating machine. I won't go into details in case this post finds its way to some cancer survivors special diet website, but those of you who are familiar with mom's, well, eclectic eating habits, will not be surprised to read that she had a taste for some local delicacies that visitors to these parts normally shun.
I've been concerned that the mere discussion of food options would be a turn off to mom. Eating is a chore right now and she's always been a very whimsical eater. Meandering along, grazing whenever she felt like it. This lifetime habit is very hard to break. I remember as a kid, waking up in the middle of the night and actually hearing her crunching on something. I guess her jawbones have acoustic qualities. Whatever she had a hankering for at midnight, she ate. And it sounded delicious.
I'm counting on Sister A to whip up some yummy concoctions that we all can enjoy.
I've been concerned that the mere discussion of food options would be a turn off to mom. Eating is a chore right now and she's always been a very whimsical eater. Meandering along, grazing whenever she felt like it. This lifetime habit is very hard to break. I remember as a kid, waking up in the middle of the night and actually hearing her crunching on something. I guess her jawbones have acoustic qualities. Whatever she had a hankering for at midnight, she ate. And it sounded delicious.
I'm counting on Sister A to whip up some yummy concoctions that we all can enjoy.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Hoping this 1st chemo is the norm
Mom's Dec. 1 email to me, E-my Sweetheart, Sister A and Brother-in-law V:
(Mom's) [mine]
Cast of characters:
Dr. C - mom's oncologist who was pulled onto her case by,
Cousin R - a doc in mom's healthcare org. (hereafter referred to as TKO) who wanted an oncologist he knew on mom's case
Dr. No - Dr. C's "partner" who argued with us about the timing of a port implant and the start of the chemo treatment protocol
M - Dr. C's staffer
Mom - newly diagosed cancer patient of TKO
Hi Folks,
After a couple of "bumps" in communication w/ [TKO] I went in for my first chemo this morning. Seven hours in a comfortable chair w/ very little pain and discomfort throughout. Started w/ some medicines to ease the way, a longer period w/ the 3 med formula Dr. C [mom's oncologist] devised. Again, hardly felt a thing, no physical reactions, almost wondered if the evil Dr. [No] ordered a placebo!
Gay, the side stories are always the best as you know. I was asked to see M [Dr. C's staffer] to reschedule my port (as ordered by Dr. No to accomodate our request.) I turn around and run into him while dashing to chemo. He's all friendly and cordial, (may have even read my file by now.) Definitely a young Ah Sook [local term of not endearment meaning conservative old man], didn't know what to say so he grabbed my arms and pronounced my veins "very good, very strong, oh they will be fine for the IV but I can still cancel it if you wish, simply worried they would damage your veins." I said no, You gave us good choices and I feel myself getting weaker so I'll go ahead. Later, Came in to visit me in the chair, praised my veins again, had a trace of defensiveness so I let him off the hook once and for all. Told him I'm sorry he was dumped some early decisions on tx and hoped he knew my relatives were acting in my best interests. Finally got a smile and he could not resist saying my relatives were "excitable." Boy, he just missed me getting L[mom's not shy older sister] on him and he could change that word to hysterical. Anyway, all's well that end's well and it was an interesting, hopeful day.
(Mom's) [mine]
Cast of characters:
Dr. C - mom's oncologist who was pulled onto her case by,
Cousin R - a doc in mom's healthcare org. (hereafter referred to as TKO) who wanted an oncologist he knew on mom's case
Dr. No - Dr. C's "partner" who argued with us about the timing of a port implant and the start of the chemo treatment protocol
M - Dr. C's staffer
Mom - newly diagosed cancer patient of TKO
Hi Folks,
After a couple of "bumps" in communication w/ [TKO] I went in for my first chemo this morning. Seven hours in a comfortable chair w/ very little pain and discomfort throughout. Started w/ some medicines to ease the way, a longer period w/ the 3 med formula Dr. C [mom's oncologist] devised. Again, hardly felt a thing, no physical reactions, almost wondered if the evil Dr. [No] ordered a placebo!
Gay, the side stories are always the best as you know. I was asked to see M [Dr. C's staffer] to reschedule my port (as ordered by Dr. No to accomodate our request.) I turn around and run into him while dashing to chemo. He's all friendly and cordial, (may have even read my file by now.) Definitely a young Ah Sook [local term of not endearment meaning conservative old man], didn't know what to say so he grabbed my arms and pronounced my veins "very good, very strong, oh they will be fine for the IV but I can still cancel it if you wish, simply worried they would damage your veins." I said no, You gave us good choices and I feel myself getting weaker so I'll go ahead. Later, Came in to visit me in the chair, praised my veins again, had a trace of defensiveness so I let him off the hook once and for all. Told him I'm sorry he was dumped some early decisions on tx and hoped he knew my relatives were acting in my best interests. Finally got a smile and he could not resist saying my relatives were "excitable." Boy, he just missed me getting L[mom's not shy older sister] on him and he could change that word to hysterical. Anyway, all's well that end's well and it was an interesting, hopeful day.
d plays volleyball
Mom eagerly sent Dad and yrs. truly off Friday night to watch my nephew play in his first volleyball scrimmage. I don't think it had the same importance as a more traditional rite of passage, but you would never know that from the way Sister C informed me of the activity.
The kid has good court instincts and follows the ball pretty well. No one on the team has great hands, so I'm going to work with him on his setting. I think he's wasted at libero because he's a smart and strategic thinker.
I can't wait until Auntie Gay's volleyball clinic on Sunday.
Oh yeah, his team (14-yr. olds) lost in 3 to a really short 15-yr. olds girls team. I'm not a proponent of educational losses. I would rather have an educational win. It's not good to get used to losing.
The kid has good court instincts and follows the ball pretty well. No one on the team has great hands, so I'm going to work with him on his setting. I think he's wasted at libero because he's a smart and strategic thinker.
I can't wait until Auntie Gay's volleyball clinic on Sunday.
Oh yeah, his team (14-yr. olds) lost in 3 to a really short 15-yr. olds girls team. I'm not a proponent of educational losses. I would rather have an educational win. It's not good to get used to losing.
tgifriday
Mom is looking less drawn on Friday. I'm thinking I would like to donate the extra 10 pounds I'm carrying around to her. How to effectuate this win-win transfer?
Since she's putting her energy into dutifully eating and drinking, we need to kick this program into high gear. We discussed food options which were thumbed up or down by a surprising variety of frowns and neutral expressions. I made a shopping trip to an old-time local health store (ask me later about the tensions between locals and transplants in this neighborhood) and stocked up the "larder." Ugh, move over Campell's soup and peanut butter that doesn't have to be refrigerated.
A friend (thanks, L!) got back to me with some suggestions and I found everything I wanted except lentils. The bulk bin was empty.
The day was spent chatting, laughing, reading and dozing...wait, didn't I already write that? Yes, amazingly (maybe only to me) my time spent with my sick mother doesn't vary much from time spent with my healthy mother.
Since she's putting her energy into dutifully eating and drinking, we need to kick this program into high gear. We discussed food options which were thumbed up or down by a surprising variety of frowns and neutral expressions. I made a shopping trip to an old-time local health store (ask me later about the tensions between locals and transplants in this neighborhood) and stocked up the "larder." Ugh, move over Campell's soup and peanut butter that doesn't have to be refrigerated.
A friend (thanks, L!) got back to me with some suggestions and I found everything I wanted except lentils. The bulk bin was empty.
The day was spent chatting, laughing, reading and dozing...wait, didn't I already write that? Yes, amazingly (maybe only to me) my time spent with my sick mother doesn't vary much from time spent with my healthy mother.
home
Arrived Wed. and was mildly alarmed at how thin and drawn mom looked. I did a gut check..(hopefully not as accurate as the ones GW Bush is noted for) because, of course, I'm in hyper-vigilant mode, trying to read the future in chicken entrails, tea leaves and whatever other useless omens, symbols and mundane objects that catch my eyes for signs of mom's timeline on this reality plane.
As combat vets will tell you, hyper-vigilant mode leads quickly to burn out, hallucinating and the shooting of innocent creatures. I stopped the fast-forward and settled into trying to determine what she has been eating and drinking without sounding too much like E grilling a hapless mortgage broker on the witness stand.
I said, all that's good, but we have to at least double it. Mom, being the dutiful, passive...huh? Wait, stop.
Uh, let's just say we spent my first day home chatting, laughing, reading and dozing--with occasional interludes of me setting down various liquids and solids next to her and trying not to obsessively watch her consume them.
As combat vets will tell you, hyper-vigilant mode leads quickly to burn out, hallucinating and the shooting of innocent creatures. I stopped the fast-forward and settled into trying to determine what she has been eating and drinking without sounding too much like E grilling a hapless mortgage broker on the witness stand.
I said, all that's good, but we have to at least double it. Mom, being the dutiful, passive...huh? Wait, stop.
Uh, let's just say we spent my first day home chatting, laughing, reading and dozing--with occasional interludes of me setting down various liquids and solids next to her and trying not to obsessively watch her consume them.
grim news about my mom
I'm experimenting with using this blog as a tool to communicate with family and friends.
This was the first email I sent Sunday Nov. 23, 2008 - 5 days after we received the news that my, never-sick-a day-in-her life, (ok, there was that trip to Reno where she infected all of us with something that felt like ebola) mother was told she had advanced lung cancer:
Aloha,
Apologies for sending the mass email. I don't have the heart to send this update more than one time.Last week my mother was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. Those of you who know her as someone in good health will not be surprised to hear that she was not presenting typical symptoms, hence the late diagnosis.
The medical process has kicked in with full urgency and we should know the extent of the spread by end of next week. I'm assisting with id-ing a couple of 2nd opinion options (including one here in CA) and plan to spend most of the month of December thru the 1st week of January, in Hawai'i. Mom's heart is open to the universe right now, trying to stay in touch with her best instincts so she is ready to make decisions as things unfold.
If treatment stays an option she will give it a try. She is content with her life right now so this horrible news is pretty much just that, horrible news. Again, no surprise, my mother would not change one bit of her life. She continues to live it true to herself and is enjoying each moment as she always has.
You're getting this email because I think you would want to know this info. I will not be sending another mass email, but I will respond to anyone who writes back.
Thank you for your understanding.
Gay
This was the first email I sent Sunday Nov. 23, 2008 - 5 days after we received the news that my, never-sick-a day-in-her life, (ok, there was that trip to Reno where she infected all of us with something that felt like ebola) mother was told she had advanced lung cancer:
Aloha,
Apologies for sending the mass email. I don't have the heart to send this update more than one time.Last week my mother was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. Those of you who know her as someone in good health will not be surprised to hear that she was not presenting typical symptoms, hence the late diagnosis.
The medical process has kicked in with full urgency and we should know the extent of the spread by end of next week. I'm assisting with id-ing a couple of 2nd opinion options (including one here in CA) and plan to spend most of the month of December thru the 1st week of January, in Hawai'i. Mom's heart is open to the universe right now, trying to stay in touch with her best instincts so she is ready to make decisions as things unfold.
If treatment stays an option she will give it a try. She is content with her life right now so this horrible news is pretty much just that, horrible news. Again, no surprise, my mother would not change one bit of her life. She continues to live it true to herself and is enjoying each moment as she always has.
You're getting this email because I think you would want to know this info. I will not be sending another mass email, but I will respond to anyone who writes back.
Thank you for your understanding.
Gay
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