3 perfect days - friday april 17, 2009

[Click on the title of this post to link to the song "Pua 'Āhihi" by the Kahauanu Lake Trio]

Friday was mom's committal service and it opened sunny and warm. Dad's brother Uncle D and his wife Auntie A stayed with us in Hau'ula and we caravanned to Hawaiian Memorial Cemetery in Kane'ohe in a peaceful mood.

A surprising number of family and friends attended the 11am service held in the committal shelter. Burial plots are assigned as needed so there are no rank hierarchies or preferential treatment and loved ones are allowed a maximum of 15 minutes for the services which are held on the hour.

The set-up was in perfect keeping with mom's wishes for graveside service only.

Dad welcomed our family and friends with these words:

Elaine wanted no funeral service or eulogies. We are here to witness the committal of her material remains to the earth, but her spirit lives on in our hearts.

We would like to honor her wishes and her spirit by a period of silent reflection and communion.

The period of silence and the service will end with the playing of one of her favorite songs, "Pua 'Āhihi."

Of course, being dad, he went off-script despite many warnings, reminders and threats. He let everyone know that 30 years ago, mom had requested Uncle S play this particular song at her funeral. And he departed even further from the script by explaining that the song is a very sensual one. [Side note: The song was written by Mary Kawena Pukui and Maddy Lam and is very Hawaiian in its sly word play. Hihi means entangled or entwined and the song title, 'āhihi, refers to a type of lehua tree that is found in Nu'uanu, which is ostensibly the song's subject]

This is why Auntie I exclaimed, "That's not for kids to play!" when dad informed her of the choice of music. We had been talking about Little E and the Nephew strumming their ukes at that point. Sadly, Uncle S is no longer with us so we used a version recorded by the Kahauanu Lake Trio. If you click on the blog post title, you will be taken to a link to listen to the song.

Dad is a Korean War-era Marine vet so mom was buried in the veterans' area: Section 157 - B4, one of the highest hills left as you face the Columbarium Memorial Plaza, near the road and facing the beautiful Ko'olau mountains.

lu'au sat. april 18 - Ho'omaluhia Botanical Garden 11am-2pm

Elaine's lu'au:

Komo mai!

You can get to Luluku Rd. direct from Kamehameha Hwy. or from Anoi Rd. off Likelike Hwy.

45-680 Luluku Road
Kaneohe, HI 96744(808) 233-7323
www.honolulu.gov/parks/hbg/hmbg.htm

We're are at the Kahua Nui campground, the most southwestern end of the park. Keep heading in. When you get to a t-junction, head right. Keep heading in. You'll see the big white tent.

Call Cis' mobile if you get lost.

honolulu advertiser april 11, 2009

ELAINE CHUNG

Elaine ("Pee" for Peewee) Chung, died peacefully on April 1, 2009, in Hau'ula. As she wished, she was at home with her family, between the ocean and the Ko'olau mountains.

Elaine leaves her loved ones with the rich legacy of a life lived with grace and integrity. She put all her energy, smarts, pragmatism and crystal clear moral compass into her passion for public service and spent her career as a social worker both in Hawai'i for Big Brothers and Child Protective Services, and in Germany working for Army Community Services as a Family & Child Advocate.

Elaine was a truth teller and a compassionate but common sense advocate for the disadvantaged.

Her family and friends appreciated her wry, whimsical humor and knew her as an adventurous traveler, fierce competitor and sports aficionado, appreciator of books and Hawaiian music, woodworker, Vegas low roller, cat lover, nature enthusiast and loyal friend.

She retired twice from her career as a social worker and during her second retirement, enjoyed making found-wood walking sticks, spending time with her grand kids, and becoming active in ocean conservation.

She will be deeply missed by husband Waldron (Makao), 4 children and their spouses, 6 grand kids, sister Loraine (Richard) Pang and numerous family members, friends and colleagues in whose lives she took a genuine interest, investing her time and commitment into each relationship.

A brief committal service will be held Friday, April 17, at 11 am at the Hawaii State Veterans Cemetery located at Hawaiian Memorial Park.

A gathering for family and friends will be hosted by the family on Saturday, April 18, from 11 am - 2 pm at Ho'omaluhia Botanical Garden, 45-680 Luluku Rd., Kane'ohe at the Kahua Nui campground.

In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to: Hawaii Nature Center (2131 Makiki Heights Drive, Honolulu, HI 96822) https://www.justgive.org/basket?acton=donate&ein=99-0208246 where a program established in memory of Elaine will provide Hawaii's foster families with annual memberships. For more information, please visit our blog at: http://notmaudlinmom.blogspot.com/ or email to: notmaudlinmom@gmail.com

e lei kau, e lei ho’oilo i ke aloha

Love is worn like a wreath through the summers and the winters. Love is everlasting.

Mahalo to all for the offers of, well, pretty much anything and everything. I guess we shouldn't be surprised by the thoughtfulness of family and friends but your generosity has been overwhelming.

Many of you have found out that local florists will not deliver to Hau'ula. Really, mom is not playing tricks, but, pragmatist that she was, she would prefer to direct your generous impulses to the projects near and dear to her heart; environmental conservation and community action.

So while we welcome the outpouring of support, if you wish to do something in mom's name, we suggest you make a donation to a non-profit working on environmental and/or conservation projects.

In the next few days I will post information on mom-approved causes.

Hope to see you at Ho'omaluhia on the 18th.

party! saturday, april 18 | Ho'omaluhia Botanical Garden

We had to move the date because of anticipated turnout. Details to follow.

There will be music, food and drink - all the ingredients for a mom-worthy event.

As we get closer to the date, we will need a firm count for the caterers so when you know FO' SHURE! if you will be joining us, email:

notmaudlinmom@gmail.com

please include:

1. Your full name
2. # of children and # of adults in your party
3. Names of all people in your party.

At mom's request, no open mic, however, we would like to invite former colleagues to talk about mom's commitment to and passion for public service. While she shared many wonderful experiences with her grandchildren, her one regret is that she did not have time to convey to them her deep belief in service to the community.

I will be in charge of speakers so if you are interested in sharing an anecdote, please send me your contact info and I will be in touch.

Mahalo.

elaine loo chung: january 4, 1934 - april 1, 2009

Mom died this afternoon. Her passing was peaceful.

A purty flower on a purty day

Aunty L brought this orchid for Sis C's belated birthday. It's so unique looking that I dragged Little E outside with me so I could take a picture of it. The wind was blowing so hard that we had to hurriedly rush back inside so the leaves didn't blow off.

We've had mom hooked up to the oxygen machine for over 24 hours. It seems to help her rest without much interruption including less need for additional pain meds. It would be interesting to know exactly how it is affecting her body. Gay laughed at me when I told her I wanted to try it out before we hooked it to mom. I feel it's the least I could do to experience one of the many invasions we've subjected her to. We all keep in mind that what might seem to work well one day might not the next.

nā lei hulu i ka wēkiu

Big E and I went with friends to see Patrick Makuakāne's San Francisco-based hula halau Saturday night.

The program was called "O'ahu: Confessions of an Island."

The evening was an interesting and sometimes exciting blend of ancient hula kahiko, instrument and voice-accompanied hula 'auana and Makuakāne's unique hula mua or, progressive hula.

I was commenting to friend D that the upper bodies and hands looked a bit stiff, but upon reflection I thought that maybe the hands and upper bodies were supposed to look like that. I have to give Makuakāne credit, he is creating art out of the hawaiian diaspora and teaching both students and audiences a more nuanced view of hawaiian culture and the damage of colonialism.

Not everything worked, he can skirt too close to kitsch, but he got me good on a Princess Ka'iulani piece. I was apprehensive that we were going to be subjected to yet another nostalgic tribute as he introduced the setting with familiar images of PK. There were 2 sets of wāhine dancers, in traditional kahiko garb and somber, jewel-colored holoku.

The piece cycled through all styles of hula and ended with a hula mua, performed by the holoku-clad dancers to Cassandra Wilson's version of "Time After Time."

Wow. Haunting and evocative of familiar losses that resonate within our psyches in the spaces where no words exist, it was profoundly moving.

We don't have to try too hard these days to feel the imminence of leave-taking and loss.

going and coming

I'm headed back to the bay area today to take care of business on that end. I will be back very soon. We have many logistical details to work through here and we all agreed that it is better to do so now. Life flows ever onward and we haven't figured out a way to stop time.

I will get reports from my sibs and continue to update the blog.

Mom is comfortable today. Communication is more infrequent, but she still acknowledges the messages of love and support we pass along to her from all of you.

hospice

Deja vu all over again. New team, same questions. Mom's sister Auntie L was here for the meeting and I put her next to the hospice social worker, H. I chose to stand as far away from her as possible because her high-pitched, yet soft "compassionate" voice, grated, and she is crazy as a loon.

At least, that was the consensus after the team left. Auntie L could barely contain herself. She didn't like H rubbing her back and fixated on H's hula hand gestures. I didn't think the gesticulating was particularly phony, but at times it did look as if she was interpreting her own words into sign language.

Sister A tried to tune H out, as is her wont. She did mention that maybe H was sent to us so we could let off steam by mocking her. We don't have Sis C's opinion yet, but when asked, mom didn't have a problem with her. She didn't object, however, to my characterization of H as a harmless kook.

Nurse D was just fine and we thought that J, who was "shadowing" H, should instead follow Nurse D.

While we are grateful for all the services that hospice affords us, we think they should screen their employees more carefully. There appear to be a few people attracted to hospice work for the wrong reasons.

musical interlude with pua kenikeni

A traveling minstrel troop showed up with instruments and willing, if uncertain, voices. My musical aunties + 1 uncle brought us lunch, and mom some of her favorite pua kenikeni, Lit. 10-cent flower, a subtly fragrant orange-ish lei flower that mom grew at her long-time home in Niu Valley.

The pleasant interlude with old friends and her beloved cousin Auntie S, provided mom some much needed distraction.

We hope they come again soon.

FAQ: How are you taking care of yourselves?

Answer: granny racing

Click on the "play" button.

facts of life

Mom was more alert and communicative today. Her meds will definitely have to be tweaked as she is not getting her pain level down. However, she showed some interest in liquids and she's working on a shake as I write this.

We were able to get her nail beds looking a bit more healthy and we'll continue to rub her down and massage her hands and feet. I found a great massage clinic in Kailua and they're experienced in elder care and are willing to make a visit to the house for comfort care. The clinic also has a licensed acupuncturist on call so I will check into getting mom some supportive treatment again, here in the house.

Dad continues to grumble about mom abusing him. Once a houseboy, always a houseboy. She abused all of us last night. I was trying every trick in the book to get her to acquiesce to being carried back to her newest automatic bed. Hospice delivered some equipment yesterday and, following Auntie L's advice, everything they offered, we took.

This meant that we had to take apart the automatic bed Brother and I just moved up into the sick room to make room for the one with rails. Yeah, a tale for another day. All this re-arranging required that mom be deposited on the mauka bed and after all was prepared, she kept saying no to our suggestions that we move her back to the makai bed.

Finally, when Sis C came late in the evening, we asked her again and, after the same refusal, ran through a checklist of her reasons including; pain, anxiety, and exhaustion. No, no, and no. Mom said no to all the reasons. At a loss, I asked, "Are you just being stubborn?"

Finally, a yes.

not maudlin mom

We got to meet Dr. S, the palliative care doc, and the rest of her team today. They didn't use their "understanding" voices too much so it was easier to focus on the issue at hand...at this point in time, where is mom on her journey? Brother came and Sis C had to be speaker-phoned in due to the most recent idiot drivers on Kamehameha Highway getting the road closed for hours from Kualoa Ranch northward.

Dr. S moved into action and after a flurry of activity and questions, recommended that the focus should be on more aggressive pain management. The most important reason was the obvious one, she should not suffer. Her abdominal pain has worsened, which in turn has meant poor sleep and less appetite than previous weeks.

Pain management is the easiest thing to address. The more difficult decision we made collectively was to stop treatment for the cancer. We've come to a crossroad and we do not believe Mom will be getting better. Our focus now is on making her as comfortable as possible.

There is no map from here on out. No known destination, only milestones. We will continue to accompany her as far as we can, but we are preparing to say good-bye.

Mahalo to all mom's loved ones and our friends who've kept in touch with mom and with us through this blog. If you would like to contact the family, please

• send an email to: notmaudlinmom@gmail.com
• call Sis C's mobile

The blog is not shutting down. I will continue to post. I read a message to mom this morning from Tex, and we will be happy to do the same for all. Just remember the name of this blog and know that mom is acute enough to judge the Maudlin Factor of your message. After I read Tex's email to her I said, "That wasn't too maudlin, was it?"

She smiled with her eyes closed and made a short chuckling sound.

a picture is worth one word....yikes

...mom's response after Sis C forced her to open her eyes and look at the painting a friend of dad's had gifted him.

erin go bragh

Mom was alert enough to realize that the sirens we heard this morning were stopping at our house.

Dad celebrated St. Pat's Day by calling the Ka'a'awa Fire Department down upon us at 4:45am. He was browning lamb for his lamb curry and the smoke detector went off. Security called right away and he told them it was a false alarm but I guess those guys at the station hit the road within a minute of the alarm sounding.

Too bad we didn't have any curry ready to share with them when they arrived.

march madness

I'm back in Hau'ula, working from the house and assisting mom with her daily routine.

The water level is way up from a month ago, no beach, but the weather yesterday and today...gorgeous.

Brother and I exchanged mom's bed yesterday after Sis C dropped me off. A friend of hers had an adjustable bed so we kept it in reserve until needed. Mom's weakened condition means this bed's up and down buttons are getting quite a bit of use.

Mom requires much more hands on care than she did a month ago. The liver blockage that was discovered while she was in the hospital set her back and she has to work hard if she wants to try another chemo protocol. She is simply too weak, though her labs have been good.

The main question on all our minds is how feisty she's feeling. Between her weakness and all the synthetic drugs in her system, it's been challenging for her to maintain extended periods of specific intent. I've been talking with her, laying out scenarios to try to gauge where she's at in her own mind, spirit and body.

The family will meet with the palliative care team this week to discuss mom's goals and how we can help her in achieving them. Right now it's much simpler, she has to work to nourish herself. She is struggling. We are coming to a cross road in these next few days. I will do everything in my power to help her get there. Taking stock happens in shorter intervals now. We will examine the paths together when we get there.

Interesting how, even with no map, you know when you arrive.

small things

Catching up with Sis C tonight - mom is doing a bit better today than yesterday. We chart mom's ups and downs with the smallest of measuring sticks. It's amazing, really, how the mind and heart can encompass the most complex thoughts and deepest feelings, yet also focus on the tiniest of milestones, only discernible to those of us who know mom well.

Since mom is still a bit shaky, I asked Sis C to talk with her about doing without her slippers inside the house. It's not quite like taking the car keys away, but it is changing a lifetime habit. At least as long as we've been around. I've never understood why anyone would wear any footwear in the house unless it's socks on a freezing night, but mom has been the butt of family jokes for years because of her penchant for indoor footwear and her notorious clumsiness even when healthy.

She once fell up the stairs. So the crocs are out. Tabis, anyone?

momcam

Mom's sister Auntie L took the day shift today. When I called to check in to see how both were doing, she told me they were still talking.

I should have set up a webcam to observe the sisterly interactions. I'm sure I could have learned a thing or two. Hey, maybe I'll set up a momcam when I'm back home. Nothing too intrusive. I would promise not to set one up in the lua.

I could have the Nephew monitor his grandmother, remotely. Prepare him for a job with the NSA or FBI. Yeah, I'm liking this idea.

monday funday

Mom is still very shaky. She is gradually increasing her intake, post hospitalization. She will have her blood drawn on Thursday to see where her various counts are. We are hoping that her levels continue to improve and by next Friday, when she sees her oncologist Dr. C, she will be greenlighted for her new chemo protocol, Alimta.

We'll see how this dna/rna suppressing drug works on the cheneys. This treatment usually takes only half-an-hour so at least mom won't be spending all day in the chemo ward.

If she is given the greenlight, she will go right in next week Friday afternoon. Treatment will be every 3 weeks but we don't know how many will be recommended. Stay tuned.

buggy

Did you know that dried beans are the perfect environment for the breeding of armored black beetles? Soapy water for drowning seems to be the best way to permanently rid your food stores of these pernicious pests.

Mom got an unexpected visitor today, one of her grandcats, Coby. Mom has been talking longingly about the benefits of cats, so Sis C brought one of her goofy family cats for some TLC.

It sounds as if the cat visit was somewhat of a success, though I don't know how well the cat mixed with grandguineapig, Oreo, Brother B's newest household member. Apparently, great minds think alike as far as the health benefits of animals, but c'mon, a guinea pig? No contest, the cat wins, paws down, even a goofball like Coby.

Sister A leaves tomorrow and I won't be back until next Saturday. The care and feeding of mom will be left to dad, Sis C and Brother and their families.

Mom is doing a bit better, but the intake situation is still quite a bit of work and she's weak from her hospital stay. She does better with someone there to keep her eating and drinking on a regular basis. I'm looking forward to getting back to Hawai'i to help out.

I would like to order some sunshine and dry weather for my visit.

home again, home again

The prisoner has been released. No time off for good behavior. Besides, according to Sister A mom, while agreeing that she needs to take fiber every day, also issued an order that fiber was not to be talked about ever again. Ever.

We need to get mom back to fighting weight again after the no-intake hospital stay. She is interested in another chemo therapy and Dr. C has already discussed a Plan B with mom. Stay tuned.

I'm glad Sister A and mom will have some home-time together before Sister A splits on Sunday. You can't measure the healing powers of a place, but mom truly loves to be home at the beach. I think that counts for something.

Sister A said that mom was slowly getting back into the work of eating, but that some of the symptoms she was dealing with earlier now seem to not be issues. Who know how long that will last, but they aim to take advantage of this window.

Mahalo to all for the positive thoughts and prayers for mom to get through this latest setback mostly intact. She seems to have done so.

pho, a long, long way to run

Mom got to eat today. Amazing how being denied food can make you salivate when you haven't had much appetite or pleasure in eating in months. She "shared" a bowl of pho with Sister A.

As of today, mom's blood work resembles a normal person's. She may get to go home tomorrow.

We are cautiously optimistic that her liver is functioning well. This means that we can start thinking about new options for chemo. There are many combinations of poisonous chemicals to slow the growth of cancer cells.

Perhaps mom's cheneys would cower before war crimes charges in the Hague?

we're still going to keep fighting, right?

Mom to Sister A today.

'nuff said.

this-n-that

There appears to be improvement on the liver front. Now mom has to get the rest of her infections cleared up. Her white blood cell count is low again so, no visitors, please. Really.

Sister A and Sis C are keeping me updated and all 3 of my siblings are continuing to take turns sitting with mom, logging all procedures, drugs, other fluids and medical professionals' visits.

So bizarre, each specialist only focuses on their own area of narrowly-defined responsibilities. I am so relieved mom has advocates in the room with her to synthesize all the information provided by each specialist AND to pass it along to the next one that comes along, as there seems to be no role or even acknowledgment that there needs to be such a role within the hospital environment.

For all the money that goes into our health care "system" and for all the really smart, well-educated specialists we turn out, the actual patient care is mediocre, at best. Yes, the sum is less than each part, added up. Sad, huh?

The irony of hospitalization when your immune system is compromised is that they won't release you until your infections are manageable, and yet, there is no better place to catch innumerable and unnameable bugs and diseases.

We're putting all our energy into getting mom out of there and all the things release implies.

saturday night's alright

The clan is taking shifts with mom and trying to stay out of the nursing shifts' way. Apparently there is more scrutiny on families staying past visiting hours these days at TKO due to, what else, people abusing the privilege.

Sis C had to get Cousin R to intervene after Sister A was hunted down and escorted out by security Thursday night. Hey, what is family for after all? We believe it's better for mom and better for all concerned to have someone with her.

Today she even had guest caretakers in Cousins T & L, visiting from the mainland. Thank you cousins. "Now don't come back." Mom can be overly gracious at times.

So far, so good. If mom's liver continues to flush out and gets back to work, she may be released Monday. No question she's had a setback, but perhaps, caught early enough, there will be other options on the table.

Let's see what tomorrow brings. Right now mom is reasonably comfortable so we'll leave it at that.

galling

Mom got a 2fer today. Opened up her bile duct AND got a gallstone removal thrown in as a freebie. She's doing fine. It's wait and see time for the liver. We are hoping it wasn't too damaged.

I bet that gallstone has been causing mom some pain. I'm sure it did not form overnight. I wonder why it wasn't discovered earlier with all the scanning and testing and oh, never mind.

Did I mention she was sent home Tuesday after chemo was stopped with a UTI, no meds, no plan and a needle stuck in her port?

Yeah, we're stilled PO'd.

liver lovers

Apparently even mom's cheneys are defiant. The ultrasound showed blockage of the bile ducts, but not the cause so she had her CT scan this afternoon. The scan indicated that the cheneys have become resistant to the chemo drugs in this protocol as evidenced by the swelling of her abdominal lymph nodes which, in turn, are blocking the bile ducts in her liver.

Tomorrow mom will undergo Plan A to open up her ducts and if that doesn't work, Plan B. The focus right now is on getting her liver working again and minimizing any damage to it. The cheneys will have to wait their turn.

I'm keeping the blog up because Sister A has her capable hands full with mom's hospitalization. She said that mom seems to be hanging in and is planning her lawsuit against TKO. Just kidding Cousin R. Did we mention the needle they left in her port Tuesday when they sent her home with a UTI and liver malfunctioning and no meds and no plan? Yes, they were already to Kaneohe when the nurse called, "Oops!" and they had to stop at the Kaneohe clinic to get a nurse to remove the needle.

What does HMO, really stand for? I will donate $25 to the charity of your choice for the best suggestion.

don't trust, then validate

Well, it's a good thing we got mom admitted to the hospital last night. The fever Sister A couldn't get to come down yesterday was due to a urinary tract infection (UTI), something that we suspect TKO should have known Tuesday, when chemo was interrupted. UTI, so simple, eh? Not when you have a completely silo-ed institution and protocols that are designed solely to C-Y-A each department's collective rear ends.

Oncology looks at illness strictly through their cancer lens. So, instead of consulting with an internist Tuesday regarding the liver malfunction, Dr. C sends mom home with nothing to address her jaundiced condition. Hey failing patient, just wait until TKO can do a thorough CT-scan with the emphasis on finding out if the cancer has spread to the liver.

Tuesday night, I said to Sister A that chemo is very toxic to the liver, and that it's not uncommon to have liver problems. Yes, of course it's important to know if the cancer has spread, but there are other explanations and they should be, at the very least, eliminated.

We're happy that an ER doc, Dr.H, took some initiative in examining mom. The UTI was id'd right away and antibiotics administered along with saline for her dehydration. There were a couple of other minor issues that were addressed and Dr. H confirmed our growing suspicion that the liver issue could and should be addressed by means other than a CT-scan.

So, mom is scheduled for an ultrasound today to see if there might be other, more easily corrected reasons for her liver's malfunction. Dr. H explained to Sis C and Sister A that chemo is hard on the liver and that there could be an obstruction that could be seen using ultrasound. Thank you, Dr. H, for listening to your patient and her family and providing them with information they didn't have to pry out with the jaws of life.

Another irritating note, TKO completely screwed up their internal communication on pain dosage. If my sisters weren't logging everything down in the admitting process, the orders would be completely wrong. As it was, Sister A had to make them go back to the docs twice, and she also noted the written order was incorrect.

The compartmentalizing of specialities and departments in these healthcare institutions is bad for the patients, bad for the staff and is plain bad medicine.

Please Obama, pass a universal healthcare package so we can get rid of our wasteful, inefficient for-profit healthcare model. And healthcare professionals, humble yourselves and listen to your patients and their caregivers. They might actually know something you don't.

chemo interruptus

Mom's chemo treatment was stopped midstream today because it was discovered she was jaundiced. She is to be scheduled for a CT scan in the next couple of days to try to determine was is going on with her liver.

The choices aren't great but obviously we're hoping that it's the chemo, and not that her cancer has spread to her liver.

One frustrating note in this process -- how little attention health care professionals listen to their patients. Apparently mom and Sister A noted a couple of obvious signs that her liver might be malfunctioning to Dr. M on Friday, but no follow up, even though they were back in the hospital half of Saturday for the transfusion.

The other irritating issue is that there doesn't seem to be serious attention paid to the liver. For instance, since she's been in chemo, mom's pain meds have contained Tylenol, i.e. acetaminophen. We all know that's bad for the liver.

Sister A and I have spent countless hours discussion mom's pain meds and the safe amount to give her because of the acetaminophen. No doc has emphasized caution or offered a different pain med offered until Sister A asked about it Friday and was told that they had run out of the Tylenol-free oxycodone. She eventually was able to get her hands on some, but, again, why do we have to bring this up?

Chemo is notoriously hard on the liver. Why is TKO prescribing pain meds with acetaminophen when there are other options? Really impossible to have any confidence in these jokers right now.

dreaming

2 recent dreams by my mother:

* during her recent hemoglobin low...mom is back in bed in a hospital and notices 2 figures sitting by her bedside - they're nuns but she can't quite see them clearly. Somehow she realizes the 2 nuns are me and Big E and we are giving her "the stink eye."

* last night she dreamed of filet mignon

Given her severe lack of appetite these last few days, I'm not sure which one is the nightmare.

blood music

Well, mom's lethargy since Wednesday was explained during Friday's blood work-- low red blood cell count. Queue the vampire music. So a transfusion was scheduled for Saturday morning. As anticipated, it helped almost immediately. The "good" news is that the white blood cell count was fine so mom will be in the chemo ward Tuesday for #5. She's been holding up amazingly well, all things considered.

I've already made plans to be back to help her through #6 mid-March.

Dr. C had a substitute, Dr. M, meet with Mom and Sister A on Friday. Sister A liked him. He looked at mom and directed questions to her. He gave them some generic info on radiation therapy and when it might be recommended, but no one wants to get too far ahead of the current process.

For now, it's chemo poisons vs. cheneys and we fervently pray the poison is winning.

back to the bay

I'm passing the baton to Sister A today. She will takeover the care and feeding of mom while I head back home. Yesterday was a tough one physically for mom as she slept most of the day away and struggled with getting anything down. We're going to sit down with her this morning and talk her through the next few days.

Hopefully, she'll be back in the chemo ward next Tuesday for #5.

Sister A has gracefully agreed to keep up the blogging, after reminding me how obnoxious and self-indulgent she finds blogs. Except this one, of course.

ocean vodka - it's organic

Sister A and I drank to mom's health tonight. I highly recommend drinking to mom's health.

‘Ōkole maluna!

the music room

Little E helped with the re-design of the musical notes wall decals in the new lua, that's water closet for those of you with delicate sensibilities. Mom had a very specific vision of how it should look, and it took a while to find the right type of notes to match what mom had in mind. We also went through 3 re-designs before mom was satisfied. Tex, you're off the hook. Doesn't it look good? Makes blowing your own horn take on a whole new meaning.

really hot thighs

This evening after I left the gym a very personable young woman told me, "I just want you to know, your thighs are really hot."

Too bad I was leaving KFC with a bag of chicken.

tuesday sunrise view from the sick room

Excitement reigned as all enjoyed mom's split pea soup with smoked hocks. MmmMMM! Dad had some for breakfast, then topped dinner off with a split pea chaser after work.

Mom promised to make more as I complained about dad's lack of kindergarten sharing etiquette. In fact, Sister A had to rip a piece of crispy fried chicken out of his hand tonight, though he was spared the lecture that Tex and Farmer Boy received after cleaning out the icebox one day.
(View of the sunrise, Hau'ula- Photo: G. Chung)

Mom continues to go through her daily routine of eat, take temperature, weigh in, read, nap, eat, watch sports, nap, eat, take temperature, read nap, eat, well...you get the picture. She also chats with us about subjects trivial and important, exercises (thanks for the bungee Trainer K), putters in the yard for minutes at a time, takes care of business, takes care of her own ablutions, and complains very rarely, usually with a touch of her normal dry humor.

Big E used the word "upbeat" when commenting on the blog. I've been thinking about what that means. I'm not trying for a tone, but of course my personality comes through in my writing. I am trying to report daily life as observed so that our loved ones get a flavor for how mom is doing. It's ironic that the cumulative weight of all the love, care and concern from friends and family can actually become a burden for a sick person if people try to have regular communication.

We've really appreciated the thoughtfulness of all who've understood that mom needs to conserve her strength and avoid germs when her white blood cell count is low.

As far as upbeat goes, I've asked myself if there is a line between living and dying? And when does one become the other? Mom is moving through the world ill and weakened, yet taking pleasure when she's able. She is learning her sick body for the first time in her life. She has started down a path whose distance she can't judge and we can only travel with her part way.

Every day is truly a blessing. She, and we, are rich with the fullness of living in the present, between the mountains and the sea. The sadness underscoring our reason for being together sharply etches our appreciation of the beauty in each moment.

We are blessed with living.

half wrong - taco salad redux

I was sent to Foodland this morning to pick up some items for mom to make split pea soup. "Taco salad" was written clearly on the list. However, the prepared food section did not have "taco salad" and the way the Foodland employee answered my question led me to believe they never carried it.

So, I picked up the ingredients to make it for lunch. Come to find out, mom wanted me to go to the Taco Bell next to Foodland and get the salad. Folks, I don't think I've ever eaten in a Taco Bell in my life. And I sure wouldn't think of salad in the same sentence.

After mom got no taco BELL salad for the 2nd time, AND dad got to gloat about her out-of-character poor communication, she admitted that, if 2 people could have screwed up her request, maybe she was "half wrong."

roll me over with the plovers

(Baby plovers, Hau'ula Photo Credit: G. Chung) Mom and I watched 9 baby plovers eating breakfast this morning.

too beautiful for words

(Photo Credit: G. Chung)

Sunday February 15, 2009

Hau'ula, O'ahu, Hawai'i

back in hau'ula

The brothers kept mom in pretty good shape during my 2-day absence. Dad ran to chinatown to pick up some turkey butts. Yes, mom loves some turkey butts. So does Uncle D. And yours truly. Thankfully, I like all the food that mom does. This means that we do not waste too much, trying to satisfy her whims. I wish I could call them cravings, but her appetite does not rise to that level.

Brother and his family spent the day here. The mini-twins ate squash soup with mom and attempted to feed her. That probably explains why she dropped some weight in the days I was gone.

Mom watched Michelle Wie lose the SBS Open today on the tv-thing. Maybe we can walk it together again next year. You never know.

I'm happy that I will be waking up here.

lpga

Mom and I walked the Turtle Bay course at the annual SBS Open 2 years ago, following some of the top golfers on the women's tour. Lorena waved at me. I found out from a volunteer that they get a free round so my golf buddy J and I vowed to volunteer, watch the pros up close, and get our free round.

Tonight at dinner, Big E suggested I carry mom around the course this Sunday so she can enjoy the last day of the tournament. When I relayed this oh-so realistic suggestion to mom, she reminded me that this tournament is 3 days, not 4.

Does that mean she was actually considering riding around Turtle Bay on my back?

taco salad, not tako salad!

I leave for a couple of days (back in CA on business) and dad screws up lunch. Mom requested a taco salad, something she's had a taste for on and off over the past couple of months. Dad returned home triumphantly with a tako salad, that's squid for all you non-sushi eaters.

Ok, that's an easy mistake to make, esp. in Hawai'i, where tako salads abound.

Dad's brother Uncle D was the main caregiver today in my absence and mom reports that he was a calm and able Gay-substitute, attending to the care and feeding of mom with diligence and patience. Mahalo, Uncle D.

Another good day for mom. Mom's Weather - highs in the 90s, no real lows. Hau'ula Weather - sunny with intermittent thunderstorms.

Roccos Rule!

(Standing L-R: Auntie I, C-hiking buddy last seen being medivac-ed down the mountain with a broken leg, PL-surprise guest and inventor of the "spike" and Auntie C-mom's fellow Michigan State alum and roommate, Seated: mom. Photo used by permission. Photo credit: G Chung)

Mom hostessed 2 surprise visitors today. Auntie I did her best to tickle mom's curiosity during the week by hinting that one visitor in particular would be a BIG surprise. One surprise visitor was C- one of the hiking group who's been on the DL since falling and breaking a leg during a hike, but the BIG surprise was PL.

Earlier this morning, when I was prompting her to guess, mom considered, then discarded one of her earliest sports teammates, PL. PL is a few years older than mom (there is someone in the above photo who is over 80) famously reclusive, preferring her garden to socializing. Back in the day, she was an outstanding volleyball player. Apparently she plays the guitar by ear, too. Geez. I looked for signs of a cape and bullet-proof bracelets, but didn't spot any gaudy insignia.

Talk story time:

To hear the ladies tell it, their volleyball team was a ragtag band that ended up destroying all opponents and winning the league trophy the 2 years it existed. I guess those poor sports at the Outrigger Canoe Club didn't like getting their 'ōkoles whipped by a motley group that had never played together so they took their league away and went home.

Mom's team was the only one with a sponsor, Rocco's Pizza, and of course, no post-game celebration would be complete without pizza and beer. I did the math and no way mom was old enough to be drinking back in the day.

Mom says no other team knew how to spike, that is, until PL and Auntie B rained down the hurt on them. At one point in the story-telling PL hopped up and swung her arm--I can attest to the fact that she's still got the power and the snap.

[Oh, and by the way Big E..I know you think my legs are pretty, but these ladies have some gams on them. Excellent muscle tone. I've got some weight and road-work ahead of me in the next 30 years. Must. Try. Harder]

Mom claims she was a defensive specialist and could get to balls no one else could. In my late teens and early 20s I coached her and various co-ed and womens' teams she played on so this is an easy claim to believe. She makes me look like a wuss. Really.

Soo-ooo, Roccos Ruled! by schooling the other 5 teams in the art of the spike, and also making fun of everyone else behind their backs. Something about a tough team from Kalihi with poor dental care nicknamed the Space Cadets?

a glorious day...

...mom pronounced as we ate our soft-boiled eggs this morning. 3 baby plovers sunned themselves on the beach, oblivious to my picture taking attempts.

We are awaiting 2 mysterious visitors that Auntie I is bringing to visit mom.

Who can it be now?

tired tuesday

Mom was pretty pooped today. We didn't make it to prime rib, but I hold out hope that by the time Sister A gets back next week, we'll be ready for an outing. Today is exactly one week from chemo #4 and her white blood cell count is expected to be at its lowest 7-10 days after treatment.

All in all, this has been the least taxing post chemo week so far. Keeping a journal has been really helpful in keeping perspective, although it's not as useful as a benchmark.

Our new motto:

Stay flexible and maneuver.

mommy moo

Mom actually asked for some fiber today. We buy whole psyllium husks and mix them in juice. I've urged mom to take some every day, but she is resistant and has taken to insisting that we had "negotiated an agreement" that she would only need to take some once a week. I dismissed the imaginary agreement and have gotten her to 3x per week.

After I got mom all set up, I went into the lua to wash up. I heard strange sounds over the noise of the water. Interested, but not alarmed, I peered through the bathroom door. The sounds were emanating from mom. I realized she was moo-ing.

"All I'm eating is grass."

Hmm. Pretty articulate for a cow.

'ōkole-OW

Just a little hawaiian language humor, gentle readers. 'Ōkole is a kind of rude way to refer to the butt, and 'ōkole hao is a liquor distilled from the ti plant. [Lit. iron bottom] This morning Mom woke up with a pain in the rear NOT named Gay. I was sympathetic, but couldn't resist asking her if she wanted some 'ōkole hao for her 'ōkole-OW. She was not amused.

Low brow humor aside, mom was active and eating like a trooper today. We even got outside to prune one of the plumeria trees. Trainer K would have been pleased at the way mom wielded the hedge trimmer to get at some of the higher branches. No need for additional upper arm exercises today.

Around midday I whimsically asked mom if she had thought about what restaurant would be her first stop after she finished chemo and, hopefully, was able to enjoy eating more normally. I thought I might get the gimlet eye or a grimace, instead she surprised me by saying she had been thinking about the prime rib at Lei Lei's Bar & Grill at Turtle Bay Resort.

Caught off guard I asked, "Today?"

She replied casually, "Today or tomorrow."

I got all excited thinking that I would get to eat 1 1/2 prime ribs, but she dashed my hope, mentioning we could share one.

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices in the name of love.

2 views of ka mahina

"Ka pā kōnane a ka mahina." - The moonlight shines brightly.

Same moon, same night.












Lots of visitors today, but mom was up for it.

Our neighbors from the old homestead in Niu Valley stopped by in the morning. Auntie W still lives there with one of her sons and his family.

Later, dad returned with his middle brother Uncle D, visiting from Chicago Park, CA. Mom was relatively peppy today. Compared to last cycle, she's 6 pounds heavier and eating and drinking more.

We're also monitoring her water intake more closely these days. I guess that, along with other things we've added to her routine, including upper arm exercises she specifically asked for, has her calling me and Sister A, Nurse Ratched and Nurse Cratchett.

"If Mrs. C doesn't want to take her medication orally, I'm sure we can arrange that she can have it some other way."

ice cold mom

Little E learned how to give a subcutaneous injection today. She watched me prepare mom's neupogen white blood cell booster and then recited each step after we disposed of the syringe.

I told her she could practice giving the shot with some extra syringes we had on hand. My suggestion that she practice injecting an orange with some vodka we have chilling in the freezer was met with a puzzled look. Organic screwdriver. MmmMmm.

Mom spent part of today on ice. As with the last 2 cycles, her temperature rises during the day and she has to put up with numerous rounds of temperature-taking, urges to "Drink!" and frozen objects arranged all over her body. The magic number is 101.5F. We don't worry as long as we can get her temp moving downward fairly quickly.

By evening she was cooler, feeling better and ready to eat. If this cycle follows the others, this will last for a couple more days.

weeds

Mom is sitting on her rolling stool, earphones on, weeding the yard. She knows that I will be watching her closely, as these next 7-10 days her white blood cell count drops and the chance for an infection increases. She submits to privacy violations such as; increased temperature taking, urgings to drink more liquids, and frequent inquiries as to her pain/nausea/digestion/state of mind, not gracefully, but at least dutifully.

Point of fact, during this long chemo treatment process she's put up with almost as many invasions of privacy as US citizens have suffered under the previous 8 years of the Bush Administration, i.e. daily and relentlessly. Except my violations aren't illegal and anti-constitutional.

I will soon go out and ask her to visualize Whirled Peas.

happy hump day

A few days ago I witnessed this exchange between mom and Tex.

Tex: I was really worried about seeing you for the first time, but I get here and you look good!

Long pause while mom eyes Tex.

Mom: Good for Dachau, Day 12?

tex takes off

I'm leaving shortly to take Tex to the airport. He's been good-natured, not squeamish, diligent, thrifty (that part might not be so healthy) and brave. What a boy scout. He's not a native of Texas though so that state cannot claim him.

Anyways, our Tongan bonecarver neighbor S has already adopted him. Tex may even have gone through a few Tongan marriage ceremonies while he's been here. His wife, D, may (or may not) be surprised to hear that.

Meanwhile, he's taking his last outdoor shower. I will not speculate on how clean he is as the shower is fully exposed and he's not. Thank goodness for small favors.

The Chung family will miss his open heart, sensitivity and handyman skills.

Mahalo and Aloha, Tex.

chemo tuesday-mom all a' bustle

All quiet in the chemo ward today. Of course, no experience at TKO is without gaps in communication. We learned that we are supposed to call in mom's Neupogen (med used to treat neutropenia = low white blood cell count) the day before her chemo. When I asked if we were supposed to get a call from TKO to let us know if mom had been give the green light for treatment, I was told that they only call if the various blood count tests are too low for treatment.

Note to caregivers: always call to confirm

So obvious given the already mediocre communication that we can't rely on TKO calling. In addition, I found out that once Neupogen is started, it's continued throughout the cycle. No one told us that and we could easily have left thinking it wasn't ordered.

What a hole-y patchwork. Really sad because there are only a few dots to be connected and healthcare providers are so entrenched they can't see the potential gaps. How any sick person without an advocate can navigate through any US healthcare system is beyond me.

Mom slept, ate, drank, and read her way through #4. She is not at fighting weight, but has slowly gained some poundage back. She made a determined effort to go into this next round as fit as possible and she succeeded.

We've got some new ideas and meds for the coming week. Maybe we'll get through it with less strain on mom.

Everything crossed.

just say no

Dad and Tex ran errands Sunday before the Superbowl. At some point during the early afternoon, I received a picture on my phone from Tex showing a woman sitting on a lounge chair.

I showed it to mom, saying, "I think dad and Tex found some reclining chairs for the living room. Mom took a look and then turned her back saying, "It must be a joke."

When the errand boys returned they convinced me the chairs might fit well with the new decor. But when asked where the chairs were, they both replied they were scared to buy them without a thumbs up from mom.

I went upstairs and told mom the menfolk were excited about the recliners they found but were scared of her and asked if it bothered her.

Reply--"No."

tennis, anyone?

Mom and I stayed up into the wee hours Sunday to watch the Australian Open men's final. Mom's version of watching was to sit in her fold-out sports chair, bent over with her eyes closed. I would periodically rouse her and tell her to watch a replay of an amazing exchange or ask her if she wanted to get onto the bed and she would say, "No, because then I'll really go to sleep."

By the 5th set we were both wide awake to watch Rafa Nadal win his 1st hard court major. That last set was a lesson in focus of intent to the exclusion of physical discomfort, environment, and the other guy across the net, who may just be one of the greatest tennis players of all time. My take-away was that a great competitor beat a great artist and comparisons don't apply, but sports fans reap the benefit of one of the great rivalries of the current generation. Wow.

Long-time friends and family know which player mom most closely resembles. Hint: not the artist.

mom looking good

I believe I understand our loved ones' anxiety in not being able to see mom on a regular basis. Coming back after 3 weeks had me a bit tense in anticipation of what I would find. I knew that she was being well-cared for and was in her "best" week post chemo, never-the-less, the tension is there.

So it was with great relief that I could see that she kept her weight up and has been getting about. The beautiful weather has apparently lured her to walks on her beloved beach.

Thank yous to Sister A, dad, and Tex.

More on the return of orneriness tomorrow.

Small pleasures

A nice uneventful past couple of days. We're into our usual routine of waking up, eating, napping, eating, napping, eating, napping, eating, etc. Oh, and also watching the Australian Open. Pops and I went into Chinatown early this morning to pick up a couple of goodies. The new Chinese bakery which opened up in the same storefront as the old Chinese bakery makes peanut candy with the original recipe. They also make mac nut candy. I would say both are best I've ever had.

Mom felt good enough this afternoon to go for a walk on the beach with Tex. First time since starting treatment. Tex has just about finished painting downstairs (thanks also to Farmer Boy) and has started on base board. He came to assist with care-taking, and he is, just in an unconventional manner. But he does know that he will have to become First Team once I leave and Gay returns. It's hard to leave, but definitely easier knowing I'll be back in three weeks.

A great, great day

That was Mom's proclamation today. She was up early this morning watching the Inauguration, and the good feeling refers to different things. Physically, she felt the best she has over the last five days. Spiritually, she felt heartened by the change in the government. Emotionally, she just wanted Dubya to fly, fly away. And yesterday was hump day, the corresponding day from Chemo II in which she had to be admitted to the hospital. She was relived to jump that hurdle and to focus on rebuilding her energy and white blood cell count in these next two weeks.

Plus, Tex has been painting the downstairs room and the freshly applied paint just gives a nice feeling of order and an inspiration to organize. Even Pops got his yard the way he likes it this weekend. The man is quite a sight with his trimmer. He likes to cut everything in the yard with that thing. It seems to be more labor intensive, but there's no denying that it looks good. Mom even asked him to give her a tour of his hard work this morning. She was actually able to come downstairs a couple of times today to harass/direct Tex.

While she was enjoying her Lobster Salad for dinner (thanks Cuz L!) we started discussing the size of her stomach. I told her it must be about the same size as people who get gastric bypass. I'll have to ask the doc if that's something which can be seen and measured on the CT scan. I think if we knew the actual capacity of her stomach then it could be an addtional tool we could use when figuring out if our expectation of her eating capacity is realistic or not.

Change is in the air and it's great to see Mom excited about it!

Prodigal son returns home

The other day Mom asked me if I had any other projects/plans while I was home. When I asked her if there was something in particular that she wanted me to do she told me that she wanted to bring O'ne home. He has been with his birth family since The Flood. If I agreed then I would have to make sure he got his walks and was fed and got all of his potty breaks when Dad was not home.

Well, my smelly other brother is back. I really do not have any issues with him. He is a handsome fellow and not especially offensive for a dog. The problem is that he has had no training. He is huge and when you show him the slightest amount of interest he goes crazy. He could easily knock you down with his desire for attention and love.

I honestly believe in the therapeutic qualities of pets. I think a cat would work more wonders for Mom, but since she does have an attachment to this Golden Boy then I will add him to the caretaker's list.

Three down, three to go

I would like to remind all that I am only contributing to my sister's blog and I would not be posting to my own as I usually think they are a bit obnoxious.

Finally got to meet Dr. C on Monday when Mom had labs to make sure her counts were high enough to start another treatment on Tuesday. Staff and doc thrilled to know she's got another daughter. She also introduced family friend M from Texas as "her fifth or sixth daughter from Texas." From here on I shall be referring to M as Tex, just so we can keep all the players straight. He accompanied me to Hawaii to assist with the care-taking and to try to learn all of Mom's food idiosyncrasies. He will be covering the gap when I leave and Gay returns.

What did Tex notice most about Dr. C? She had black toenails. The doc had positive info about the latest CT scan - chest area is looking better. Great news, but sometimes you worry about getting too hopeful. My mantra is still One Day At A Time. Every day spent with Mom is a good day.

From what Gay had told me after the second treatment, Mom usually has pretty good energy the day of and the day after. This time was no different. This morning she woke me with a (new) request for a grilled ham and cheese sandwich. I am happy to indulge all requests as they are far and few between. In fact she asked for an orange Jamba Juice when she was finishing her chemo and Tex and I drove around Salt Lake for an hour trying to find the one closest to the hospital according to his GPS, Hilda. Of course, Hilda could not know that the Jamba Juice was gone, now replaced by a Genki Sushi. After finally coming to that realization we asked Hilda where the next closest one was and headed there to fulfill Mom's wish. I told him we were going to all get a drink and we had better enjoy it, too.

So, Wednesday was a pretty good day. Mom was up and about puttering around, trimming her naupaka plants, sitting outside watching The Nephew and Little E playing around in the water for a bit, allowing visitors Married to a Farmer Boy, Farmer Boy, and Lady D upstairs, and supervising by osmosis the painting of the downstairs walls by Tex and Farmer Boy.

The weather has been beautiful for the past couple of days even though they've been predicting storms, record surf and destructive winds. Since The Flood of December 11, 2008 I am hyper vigilant about the rain. I am ready to run outside and hook up the drainage pipes to the rain gutter at the first pitter patter. I have discussed The Flood with Tex who agrees that the gutter people failed when they set up the system a couple of years ago. Another project to consider, but kind of at the top of the list since I don't feel like filling sandbags without my sister.

I'm sure the first is always the hardest, and I will try to keep up with the posts whether funny or mundane.

jr. bloggers weigh in Thursday

Sis C, The Nephew and Little E stayed in Hau'ula after my departure. I deputized The Nephew and Little E as junior bloggers.

The Nephew relayed 3 items of interest Thursday. I believe that this report was a synthesis of the collective observations he and his sister made during their shifts.

Thursday - 1. Mom was observed eating a dinner of ham, 2 eggs sunnyside up and fried rice. 2. A friend of Sis C's and family stopped by to visit and afterward mom told them not to answer the door to anybody else. 3. A "touching exchange" (The Nephew's words) was witnessed when dad came home - he greeted mom with a hug and kiss and they held hands and looked out at the ocean.

I asked my follow up question of course, what was so interesting about items 1 and 3? It turns out The Nephew had never before witnessed mom's eclectic eating habits and was astounded to see her eat breakfast at dinner time. [Nephew - please refer to Sunday Dec. 7 post] When I mentioned that mom and dad are often affectionate, D said, "I guess I don't know Popo and Papa that well."

Ah,young grasshopper, to acknowledge what you don't know is the first step on the long journey to wisdom.

wednesday pm view from the sick room

Got Big E on the plane back to Oakland today. I'm following tomorrow. Sis C and kids are going to stay here until Sister A arrives on Sunday. I'm going to deputize Little E and The Nephew as bloggers-in-training. They are to pay careful attention to their popo, then call me and leave voice mails with noteworthy observations.

To our family and friends who have expressed interest in the blog and offered enthusiastic words of encouragement --mahalo. (Clouds at sunset, Photo Credit: ©G. Chung)

Sister A will be guest blogging while she's here hanging out with mom.

Makai - Mom enjoyed the gorgeous interlude this afternoon when the wind was stilled and the water like glass.

Mauka - The knife-edges of the Ko'olau stood in sharp relief in the afternoon sun.

the great human stream - monday

Mom is eating like a trooper today. We've had the daily food pep talk and reality check weigh-in.

I whipped up a 1-egg spinach omelet with brie for lunch and the photo at left is mom's idea of snack ala mode.

We discussed the Israeli invasion of the Gaza strip.

We organized the garage and moved items around to mom's satisfaction.

(Cantelope and ice cream, Photo Credit: ©G. Chung)

more birthday fun

Auntie L came out with her husband Uncle R to celebrate mom's birthday today. The celebration was small, but heartfelt. My sibs and their families joined me, Big E, dad, and the honoree at home in Hau'ula. We called Auntie L to invite her and she said she would have come even without an invitation.

Auntie L and mom are the only ones left in their immediate family and Auntie L has been uncharacteristically sentimental the past few weeks. That is not the primary quality of their relationship, so it has been odd to witness the change over the past weeks.

For xmas, Auntie L gave mom a few presents among which a painted rectangular plaque stood out as curious. The piece had a wire handle strung with large beads and on it the words, "never, never, never give up." The sentiment is understandable, it's just the fact that it was expressed this way that was unusual.

For mom's birthday, Auntie L again provided some thoughtful gifts...and another painted plaque, this one reading "in all the world, there is no better friend than you."

I have to admit my bafflement at this previously unseen side of Auntie L. Also puzzling was the lack of reaction on mom's part. See blog title.

Tonight, as she finished unwrapping, mom asked Uncle R to find the plaque and hand it to her. When Auntie L asked why, mom said:

"So I can toss it into your grave if you die before me."

happy birthday, mom!

This morning, Dad and I were in the kitchen discussing where to hide the new coffee grinder from the ants. The very wet winter is creating the same desperation in the animal kingdom as the current economy has with humans.

We called out "Happy Birthday!" to the birthday girl who was in the new bathroom in the addition dealing with the drippy nose she's developed with the departure of all-important nose hairs due to chemo.

We heard a couple of soft toots, then a BLARING Toodley-Toot-Toodley-Toot-TOOOT-TOOOT!

Mom was blowing Happy Birthday on the brass bugle hanging in the "music room."

saturday's children - updated

Mom and Big E worked hard to doze today and were only moderately successful. They are an interesting two-some, soul-mates of a sort because of their fervent commitment to public service. I would say that mom has not been a workaholic of the magnitude of Big E, but I remind myself that mom did retire twice.

One of the discussions I've had with mom since arriving here has been her one regret -- not discussing her passion for public service with her grandchildren. Naturally my hope is that she gets to rectify that oversight.

35 years of direct social working advocacy on behalf of children and families - without a hint of burnout - is not to be sneered at. There was that brief hiatus as a courier in San Francisco in the late 70s, and then a break to complete her Masters when she was about 60.

I remember laughing about her application to the state..did they know she would be close to retirement age by the time she was supposed to pay back the 2 years they subsidized her?

It's been fun spending time with the nieces and nephew. One interesting conversation with The Nephew centered around Big E's work as a legal advocate for victims of predatory loans which, in today's economy, mostly means mortgage fraud. He mentioned that he hadn't seen much on the news here and concluded that; either it wasn't a problem or, it hadn't hit the radar of the media. I was impressed that he came up with both possibilities, though I admit to paraphrasing the 2nd.

Mom delights in her soul-mate's torch carrying. She eagerly awaits a glimpse of Big E on 60 minutes this month.

Stay tuned.

friday's post

Mom enjoyed relaxing in the penthouse today. She organized and puttered, read, and dutifully ate. Dad had the day off so he got to continue the post-flood and new floor projects. It's been a good opportunity to literally clean house. For the visiting family members it's a fascinating archeology expedition. We get to catch up on past events and assist in the forensic reconstruction of Items of Uncertain Meaning.

Big E and I each got some work done and then enjoyed much needed cardio in the afternoon.

I think we're settling into 2009.